Monday, November 03, 2008

The Virtue of Humility

It's been one of those days like when you get up on your knees from the last hit, determined to soldier on and BAM! somebody smacks you right back down to ground zero. I've been there a hundred times before, but it always feels like the first time. Okay, so I give. You can kill me, but you can't eat me. Not just yet.

Sittin here on the eve of this historic election I have to wonder how the rich and pampered will survive if and when they ever walk a mile in our shoes. You know...we the people who pay for those who have and those who don't. The freakin' middle class that gets no breaks.

I suppose it was just the straw that broke this camel's back, but the online bank statement sent me into a frenzy. DirecTV took my debit card number and ran through 500 bucks worth of unauthorized charges for my "failure" to complete our contract. Gee..I didn't know we had one! That was almost as expensive as the divorce. To this day, I still have two last names because I failed to make it legal in the courtroom that fateful morning. Following a coupla' days of lay down and die sickness, I met the lawyer in court to say "I don't" anymore, and it was a done deal. Giddy from the excitement of being free I set out to reclaim my life and find the new me. Little did I know that the financial constraints of one income would rain on that parade.

Our daughter was graduating from high school that May and we sat on the bleachers in the gym together, grateful to have her in one piece and moving into the next phase. There was no anger at that point, just relief from the constant pressure of living together as roommates. He had his life and I had mine...but we would always be connected by our child and the life that lay precariously in front of her.

It was all good for the first year or two. I worked through the losses as they came, often with my babygirl sitting next to me...both of us in tears. Twenty years is a long time to spend together and walk away from. The truth is, the whole time we were married I felt the burden of his unfinished business hanging around my neck like a damn hundred pound weight. Our family was the fragile rope that kept him from going off the deep end and I felt the noose tightening every day. He had no money for moving expenses so I paid for that with the last credit I had available and that's where the financial trouble began.

2 comments:

Kay Dennison said...

Divorce just doesn't go away. My ex has done a stellar job of making life miserable for me while pretending that we are friends. I am not amused. You have my heartfelt sympathy, girlfriend!

AnnieOfBlueGables said...

I'm sorry for all you are going through. I agree with lots of what you feel and say.
I am sorry for the loss of your horse. I hope it all gets better. I want to put my arm around you and speak words of comfort. What I would say, I don't know. I am not so eloquent with words, but I'm good at listening and crying with you.
*sigh*
so how are you feeling, now that the votes are all tallied?
I didn't vote for him or the other guy. I voted for the constitutionalist Ron Paul. a write in vote. But I am ready to get behind this guy and support him, at least with prayers and good will. He has a LONG road and a LONG haul. He has a huge mess to clean up. Poor guy. I fear for his life, there are a LOT of crazies out there. I hope he succeeds in re-uniting the United States. Glad to get the Shrub's and Clinton's out of the White House. If we never see them again it will be too soon.

I'm with you in spirit, dear Friend.
~a