The old wooden bar stretched from front door to back, fashioned out of prime Forked Deere river timber that the beavers took down. Sam had sanded and polished the piece until it was smooth as silk. A fitting place to slam down the forbidden product of stills hidden deep in the kudzu. The shack was surrounded by a cotton crop about half of the year, and by floodwater the rest of the time. Belle kept bar for the men who came to play cards and wager on the game. My what a woman! Her unkempt reddish blonde hair, when she dared to let it down, draped over shoulders that supported ample breasts over her curvy hips. Helluva gal, in many ways. Poor thing had a weakness for weak men and this was the place to find 'em. The liquor either made them mad as hell or sad to a fault and she heard it all as she leaned back against the mirrored wall and dreamed of something different for herself and her kids. Their Daddy, Buck, had died from a heart attack behind a mule last year and times were hard for the three of them. Abby was a first grader at the schoolhouse down the road and John Mark had taken on the role as man of the house. His daddy's gun was never far from his side during the long nights while his mama tended to her customers. Their place out back was just one big room with mattresses on the floor and an outhouse. One of them pumped water every morning for face washin' and such and every few days they filled up the clawfoot tub with hot water and got cleaned up. Belle planted a big garden every May and it always did well in the hot and humid climate of West Tennessee just like the cotton that always surrounded them.
Many wealthy landowners came out to the patch just to escape from their nagging wives and spoiled children. This was a place where they could buy rounds for other patrons and feel more important than they were with the ones they supported. Every one of them ladies knew the danger when her man went down by the river into the kudzu. Lots of times whores walked half the night just to get their chance to get drunk with a rich man and give him some pleasure the likes of which he never saw at home with a respectable woman who bore his children and never enjoyed a minute of the planting of those seeds.
One of the most frequent patrons was a bet maker called Carl Smith. When the cards got laid out alongside the whiskey he was always there to collect his share of the pot. Carl didn't have no wife...just a string of floozies who enjoyed spending his money in exchange for their favors. Carl had tried like the dickens to buy a night with Belle but she was adamant about the whole thing. Never take nothing home that you find in a bar, was her motto. CS, as he was known, ran a little loansharking business on the side and wouldn't hesitate to beat the crap out of somebody who was late on payment plus a sizeable interest. Of course, he had a lot of enemies. His volatile temper was well known and respected among his clients in the gambling and loanin' trade. Just as soon shoot ya as look at you if he was pissed off about something not going his way.
I reckon his hatred toward mankind came from the Depression years when he sucked dust behind a plow just to keep his belly halfway full and buy some juice of his own for the weekend. Living that kind of existence will make a man hard and cold. His wife Mary had died during childbirth along with the son that was to be Eli had he lived. Carl took to the bottle heavy then spending hours and days cussin' at God for taking away his joy. When he finally got his wits together enough to figure out he needed some money to survive, that's when he began to prey on others. There's a little bit of the devil in each and every human that thinks he or she can get by without treating people right like the good book says. Carl became on of those folks.
The Patch was full this Friday night, with a full moon reflecting off of the tin roof and spilling onto the river behind it. CS sat in his usual spot by the window, watching the cards being laid down hand by hand and making bets on which poor fool would lose a week's pay to fate. Becky Jean sat to his left, rubbing his thigh and enjoying the warm fuzzy feeling that good whiskey gave her. She had met CS up at the store when he was buying some food for his huntin' dogs. He invited her out to meet him in the cotton patch that Friday evening for some fun. She sure did need some fun, if anybody ever had.
A big old fluffy cloud floated over the moon followed by another one that blacked out the light. Old Hoss had counted on this to give him a chance to sneak off of the kudzu covered riverbank with his gun and creep up for a clear shot. The shouting and music were so loud that nobody heard the sounds of Hoss snaking up through the grass next to window. From his perch on the ground, he saw CS grab Becky's breasts and lean over for a sloppy wet kiss. When he moved back from her mouth, CS never knew what hit him in the back of the head. Glass shattered from the firepower and the women screamed. CS slumped over and took his last breath while Becky watched him die. Her dress was covered in his blood with bits of brain matter trailing down her bare leg and onto the wooden floor. Somebody went to fetch the sheriff. Old Hoss just shimmied back the way he had come down to the kudzu and waited.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
somebody loan me a dime
Shortly after we got back together we went to bankruptcy court over in Jackson. The total was around 40K, give or take some change....most of it credit card debt. I reaffirmed on my car and several other loans granted by personal friends. The ex was facing court on possible felony drug charges so I borrowed what I could from the credit union for the legal fees. The cop that brought him in said to save the money and trust the judge to be fair with his justice. That was an expensive lesson, if you ask me.
The next four years went by in a blur with the Babygirl into all sorts of drama as teenagers tend to do just because they can. The marriage was coming unraveled about as quickly as a bad tire on the Daytona track. I worked. He worked. We both drank just enough to forget why we were there. It was a finishing/up/of/ business in a way...the rest of the raisin' of the girl. Her graduation night was hot as hell up in that Dyersburg High School gym. Kristen was in the choir, along with lots of other classmates that she adored and we had helped raise. We had separated the end of March at my insistence. I was desparately in love with a guy who didn't feel the same way about me but, what the hell. At least I knew what real love was about. You win some and you lose some.
The next four years went by in a blur with the Babygirl into all sorts of drama as teenagers tend to do just because they can. The marriage was coming unraveled about as quickly as a bad tire on the Daytona track. I worked. He worked. We both drank just enough to forget why we were there. It was a finishing/up/of/ business in a way...the rest of the raisin' of the girl. Her graduation night was hot as hell up in that Dyersburg High School gym. Kristen was in the choir, along with lots of other classmates that she adored and we had helped raise. We had separated the end of March at my insistence. I was desparately in love with a guy who didn't feel the same way about me but, what the hell. At least I knew what real love was about. You win some and you lose some.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Like the First Time
"Load up, girls". Them dogs love nothing better than a ride in the Camry and they jumped in quickly when Liza gave the order and threw the doors open. Those dogs love their Momma better than pigs' ears. Pets, unlike kids and men, never bite the hand that feeds 'em and adore you just because you love them. Of course they could have walked to the sunset spot, but this is their solemn ritual. Besides, sunset comes quickly in November when you're hoofing it.
She eases the car onto the field road that borders the cotton field across the lane. Faith and Butterbean are eager to explore whatever Momma has on her mind, and they hang out the windows with the breeze blowing those puppy ears every which a way. They've been running and playing in the yard like kids, pickin' at each other and chasing away the day. Butterbean has this funny little gangster limp from a broken leg as a puppy, but she can keep up with her big chocolate lab sister any day of the week. Liza's special spot is about midway around the periphery of the cotton field , where the sun shines just so through the little forest that is home to those cows her Daddy raises. The dogs pile out into the woods, and she clears the dead wood out of her path.
Lumpy is in jail now, for thirty days this time. Last time she saw him, if she didn't recognize the truck, she wouldn't have known he was the man she was married to for twenty years. Ravaged by crack and meth, he had shown up one day to give back the furniture her family had donated to his home away from home after the divorce. He always was a prideful sort like that, which probably explains why the marriage died a slow and painful death. Lacey puts on a brave front, but when the subject of her daddy comes up she usually cries. Who wouldn't be sad about that kind of thrown away life?
Liza stops to examine a tree she's never noticed before. The limbs resemble the branches of a Christmas cactus, like segments on one of those worms she studied in college and couldn't identify now if her life depended on it. The rays of the setting sun are gentle and lazy. Full of shine that bounces off of the reds and golds of the leaves in a way that makes her feel full of...what, exactly? Awe, perhaps. Peace. Gratitude for the luxury of a lifetime in a paradise that others only dream about.
Something catches her eye moving across the still lucious green pasture down below. At first she thinks it is a hawk on the wing, but it seems to be lower to the ground and the dogs are standing at attention. Smiling to herself, she realizes that it is the deer spot and of course, it is a fawn scampering back to its' mama. Tis the season...there will be more of that in the coming months for those faithful enough to come and watch in the stillness. Across the bean field and through the next thicket is Bubba's duck blind, skillfully camoflaged and waiting for the perfect moment when the water is right and the birds fly back home. He is the middle child, and the older of the two boys that have grown up with her, alternately delighting her and pissing her off. This farm is their legacy, and one that they don't take lightly. The younger boy, Harold, has moved away to Virginia. Lord have mercy! What a pain them little brothers were when she was growing up in their midst.
She makes her way back to the car for a bit of mood music. Hmmm...what shall it be to commemorate this beautiful occasion? The console is full of CD's fit for an eclectic music lover. She shuffles through them and spots the one she wants... Josh Groban and his beautiful voice. This particular disc is one of the few that she has been able to afford to buy, but he has never disappointed her. Neither have James Taylor or Carlos Santana or John Mayer. She likes the bluesy girls too, like Kathy Mattea and Pearl and the Dixie Chicks. Joni Mitchell and Carole King. Patsy Cline. Music always has made her step a little lighter.
Popping Josh into the player, she settles back into the seat and watches the day melt away into a giant fusion of autumn vibrancy mixed with pink, blue and orange. Tears begin to stream down her cheeks and she doesn't know why, exactly. She must be having a moment, like she's prone to do. Like when it all seems too good to be true and too bad to believe and she whispers "Amen" as he croons You Lift Me Up.
She eases the car onto the field road that borders the cotton field across the lane. Faith and Butterbean are eager to explore whatever Momma has on her mind, and they hang out the windows with the breeze blowing those puppy ears every which a way. They've been running and playing in the yard like kids, pickin' at each other and chasing away the day. Butterbean has this funny little gangster limp from a broken leg as a puppy, but she can keep up with her big chocolate lab sister any day of the week. Liza's special spot is about midway around the periphery of the cotton field , where the sun shines just so through the little forest that is home to those cows her Daddy raises. The dogs pile out into the woods, and she clears the dead wood out of her path.
Lumpy is in jail now, for thirty days this time. Last time she saw him, if she didn't recognize the truck, she wouldn't have known he was the man she was married to for twenty years. Ravaged by crack and meth, he had shown up one day to give back the furniture her family had donated to his home away from home after the divorce. He always was a prideful sort like that, which probably explains why the marriage died a slow and painful death. Lacey puts on a brave front, but when the subject of her daddy comes up she usually cries. Who wouldn't be sad about that kind of thrown away life?
Liza stops to examine a tree she's never noticed before. The limbs resemble the branches of a Christmas cactus, like segments on one of those worms she studied in college and couldn't identify now if her life depended on it. The rays of the setting sun are gentle and lazy. Full of shine that bounces off of the reds and golds of the leaves in a way that makes her feel full of...what, exactly? Awe, perhaps. Peace. Gratitude for the luxury of a lifetime in a paradise that others only dream about.
Something catches her eye moving across the still lucious green pasture down below. At first she thinks it is a hawk on the wing, but it seems to be lower to the ground and the dogs are standing at attention. Smiling to herself, she realizes that it is the deer spot and of course, it is a fawn scampering back to its' mama. Tis the season...there will be more of that in the coming months for those faithful enough to come and watch in the stillness. Across the bean field and through the next thicket is Bubba's duck blind, skillfully camoflaged and waiting for the perfect moment when the water is right and the birds fly back home. He is the middle child, and the older of the two boys that have grown up with her, alternately delighting her and pissing her off. This farm is their legacy, and one that they don't take lightly. The younger boy, Harold, has moved away to Virginia. Lord have mercy! What a pain them little brothers were when she was growing up in their midst.
She makes her way back to the car for a bit of mood music. Hmmm...what shall it be to commemorate this beautiful occasion? The console is full of CD's fit for an eclectic music lover. She shuffles through them and spots the one she wants... Josh Groban and his beautiful voice. This particular disc is one of the few that she has been able to afford to buy, but he has never disappointed her. Neither have James Taylor or Carlos Santana or John Mayer. She likes the bluesy girls too, like Kathy Mattea and Pearl and the Dixie Chicks. Joni Mitchell and Carole King. Patsy Cline. Music always has made her step a little lighter.
Popping Josh into the player, she settles back into the seat and watches the day melt away into a giant fusion of autumn vibrancy mixed with pink, blue and orange. Tears begin to stream down her cheeks and she doesn't know why, exactly. She must be having a moment, like she's prone to do. Like when it all seems too good to be true and too bad to believe and she whispers "Amen" as he croons You Lift Me Up.
Monday, June 13, 2005
A Letter to my Creditors
To Whom It May Concern:
I cannot and will not pay you as long as your company continues to charge me late fees and illegal interest and harass me with calls from India. My loyalty and dollars will go to those who have helped me during the hard times. Go ahead and sue me. I have no assets, like most of the victims of your promises of easy money.
First and foremost I will pay the following:
The local drugstore which allows me to charge co-pays for a couple of months so that I can take the meds that I need. 1.5% interest.
The neighborhood grocer, who still believes in credit for folks with a job who are trying very hard to survive. No interest.
My ex-dentist who charges 8% interest so that his children can remain spoiled rotten.
10% tithe. Not to a big organized religion, but to the work of the Lord as I feel led to contribute.
My family and friends who have loaned me cash and goods since my divorce to keep me solvent and comfy. Too many to list. When I hit the lottery, I’ll pay them all back. Plus interest and homemade cookies.
Should you decide to take legal action, I will gladly take you on. My attorney loves the little people. He doesn’t charge interest either.
Yours truly,
Poopie
I cannot and will not pay you as long as your company continues to charge me late fees and illegal interest and harass me with calls from India. My loyalty and dollars will go to those who have helped me during the hard times. Go ahead and sue me. I have no assets, like most of the victims of your promises of easy money.
First and foremost I will pay the following:
The local drugstore which allows me to charge co-pays for a couple of months so that I can take the meds that I need. 1.5% interest.
The neighborhood grocer, who still believes in credit for folks with a job who are trying very hard to survive. No interest.
My ex-dentist who charges 8% interest so that his children can remain spoiled rotten.
10% tithe. Not to a big organized religion, but to the work of the Lord as I feel led to contribute.
My family and friends who have loaned me cash and goods since my divorce to keep me solvent and comfy. Too many to list. When I hit the lottery, I’ll pay them all back. Plus interest and homemade cookies.
Should you decide to take legal action, I will gladly take you on. My attorney loves the little people. He doesn’t charge interest either.
Yours truly,
Poopie
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Hey sugar
I'm totally zoom impaired so I can't send you a pic of today's birds, but I can tell you about it. Does that count? The small sanctuary out by the front porch is still attracting cardinals and goldfinches. A chickadee took a bath there today, but usually it's a big old bowl of water for the dawgs. Hummers are gearing up for the battle of the sugar water.
I look forward to hearing from you...is that sad or what? I suppose I should just get some ambition and take a contract to the farthest town that pays well for an MT. Any sensible girl would do that.
I tend to be quite unsensible, as you well know. Listening to the heart is my hallmark and it's usually followed by the opening of my big fat mouth speaking the truth. My fear of love is well founded, and so I cry when I feel vulnerable enough to trust and say what I feel. No man has ever felt that way about me. Most days, I'm okay with that. Sometimes though...umm.
Sometimes I just wait for a letter.
I look forward to hearing from you...is that sad or what? I suppose I should just get some ambition and take a contract to the farthest town that pays well for an MT. Any sensible girl would do that.
I tend to be quite unsensible, as you well know. Listening to the heart is my hallmark and it's usually followed by the opening of my big fat mouth speaking the truth. My fear of love is well founded, and so I cry when I feel vulnerable enough to trust and say what I feel. No man has ever felt that way about me. Most days, I'm okay with that. Sometimes though...umm.
Sometimes I just wait for a letter.
Monday, May 16, 2005
Special Fried Rice
I can create the damndest good things in the kitchen when I'm in the mood. Tonight it was fried rice Chinese style with pre-cooked ingredients from the freezer plus a few fresh thihngs like cold rice and soy sauce and eggs and onions.
From the freezer I found Italian carrots and chicken and some green onions: Here's the recipe:
Brown a cup of onions in one T of oil. Stir in 4 slightly beaten eggs until almost set. Put aside.
In 2 T oil, brown chicken ( or pork or shrimp ) and some cashews plus carrots. Add soy sauce til it simmers just right.
Pour in 4 cups of COOKED cold rice and stir it good. Then add the egg'n'onion stuff. Stir some more. It there are chives around, chop 'em up and sprinkle on top. It'll work without them.
Eat. Pat self on back. Eat some more.
Take leftovers to work for the hungry bunch.
Plus Sister Schubert's :)
From the freezer I found Italian carrots and chicken and some green onions: Here's the recipe:
Brown a cup of onions in one T of oil. Stir in 4 slightly beaten eggs until almost set. Put aside.
In 2 T oil, brown chicken ( or pork or shrimp ) and some cashews plus carrots. Add soy sauce til it simmers just right.
Pour in 4 cups of COOKED cold rice and stir it good. Then add the egg'n'onion stuff. Stir some more. It there are chives around, chop 'em up and sprinkle on top. It'll work without them.
Eat. Pat self on back. Eat some more.
Take leftovers to work for the hungry bunch.
Plus Sister Schubert's :)
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Happy Anniversary McVeigh
I'd Love to Change the World
Ten Years After
Everywhere is
freaks and hairies
Dykes and fairies, tell me where is sanity?
Tax the rich, feed the poor
Till there are no rich no more?
I'd love to change the world
But I don't know what to do...
So I'll leave it up to you.
Population keeps on breeding
Nation bleedin, still more feeding economy
Life is funny, skies are sunny
Bees make honey, who needs money, Monopoly ?
I'd love to change the world
But I don't know what to do
So I'll leave it up to you.
World pollution, there's no solution
Institution, electrocution
Just black and white, rich or poor
Them and us, stop the war
I'd love to change the world
But I don't know what to do
So I'll leave it up to you
Ten Years After
Everywhere is
freaks and hairies
Dykes and fairies, tell me where is sanity?
Tax the rich, feed the poor
Till there are no rich no more?
I'd love to change the world
But I don't know what to do...
So I'll leave it up to you.
Population keeps on breeding
Nation bleedin, still more feeding economy
Life is funny, skies are sunny
Bees make honey, who needs money, Monopoly ?
I'd love to change the world
But I don't know what to do
So I'll leave it up to you.
World pollution, there's no solution
Institution, electrocution
Just black and white, rich or poor
Them and us, stop the war
I'd love to change the world
But I don't know what to do
So I'll leave it up to you
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Frog
According to his babygirl, Mr. Frog had no peripheral vision. If it wasn't straight in front of his windshield, he couldn't see it. That particular winter day it was cloudy and rainy as he took off down the hill and over to the crossover on that busy highway in his truck. His wife and grandson were behind him on the mission to town.
The truck loaded with logs came out of nowhere on the road to somewhere important and Mr. Frog never knew what hit him. There's a blessing in everything and that was a big one for all concerned. When tragedy strikes that quick, you gotta look for those blessings real hard.
His girl was hanging out at work when her husband called with the news. They took off like a shot to the scene of the accident 20 miles south. What they found was a cleanup effort on a major highway with her Daddy's life in question. Rescue workers pried him out of the truck and loaded his limp body into the ambulance to head for the nearest hospital. By the time Lynn and Mike got there they were ambulance chasers to the next town.
The ER doc begged Lynn not to put herself through the torture of seeing her lifeless Daddy. She was already hysterical and didn't even know he was dead. Daddy's girl picked up his flannel shirt and held it for years every time she missed him.
"Help us", said Mike when he called. Liza knew what he meant and tracked down the doc for some drugs to ease the shock. Liza and the Little General piled up and drove to the scene of horror. They found Lynn standing on the edge of the highway in shock. Slowly, the story unfolded.
Frog's wifey Fran had been buggin' him to get the car worked on. Fran is a high strung kinda woman who doesn't give up easy on what she wants. She and her grandboy Brad piled up in the car to follow Frog to the shop and get that thing done. They saw the huge truck mow him down in the middle of the highway while they waited to cross over.
It rained all day on funeral day.... not just a trickle but a damn downpour that made the tents and umbrellas imperative for the faithful. There were family members from all over and church members galore. Liza and Joe followed all the way to the burial in the mud.
The truck loaded with logs came out of nowhere on the road to somewhere important and Mr. Frog never knew what hit him. There's a blessing in everything and that was a big one for all concerned. When tragedy strikes that quick, you gotta look for those blessings real hard.
His girl was hanging out at work when her husband called with the news. They took off like a shot to the scene of the accident 20 miles south. What they found was a cleanup effort on a major highway with her Daddy's life in question. Rescue workers pried him out of the truck and loaded his limp body into the ambulance to head for the nearest hospital. By the time Lynn and Mike got there they were ambulance chasers to the next town.
The ER doc begged Lynn not to put herself through the torture of seeing her lifeless Daddy. She was already hysterical and didn't even know he was dead. Daddy's girl picked up his flannel shirt and held it for years every time she missed him.
"Help us", said Mike when he called. Liza knew what he meant and tracked down the doc for some drugs to ease the shock. Liza and the Little General piled up and drove to the scene of horror. They found Lynn standing on the edge of the highway in shock. Slowly, the story unfolded.
Frog's wifey Fran had been buggin' him to get the car worked on. Fran is a high strung kinda woman who doesn't give up easy on what she wants. She and her grandboy Brad piled up in the car to follow Frog to the shop and get that thing done. They saw the huge truck mow him down in the middle of the highway while they waited to cross over.
It rained all day on funeral day.... not just a trickle but a damn downpour that made the tents and umbrellas imperative for the faithful. There were family members from all over and church members galore. Liza and Joe followed all the way to the burial in the mud.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
P.S. I'm Sorry
This time of year always makes me think about "heart attack day". Remember? It was cold like now but almost spring. If you'd given me a clue the night before, well. I never knew. You slept on the couch while I went to bed and drifted off to face another day in paradise.
That particular day, I went to work and you called in. Not unusual, really. You didn't feel good and had a bit of chest discomfort. About an hour into the day I called to check on you and things seemed worse. I talked to one of the ER nurses and she said for me to go get your ass.
By the time I got home you were layin' on the bed in terrible pain. Once we got in the car, you seemed intent on living, kickin' the dash and screaming at me the whole wild 10 minute ride. "RUN that mother fucker!". I was stopping for red lights while you were dyin'. Go figure.
They did all the right things at the hospital. EKG...tombstones. Cardiac markers, negative. Morphine for the pain and chopper on the way with Activase doing its' magic. You were the poster boy at 39 for modern medical miracles, including the follow-up 3 months later for early closure w/o stenting. Doc was in a hurry that first time, okay? We watched NCAA ball from the top floor of Methodist North and I slept in the window.
It began to unravel quickly after that. We both knew that our "reunion" was about $$$$ and our Babygirl and not at all about us. I think that there at the end of it, you finally DID care about me. I reckon that's why you cried so when I told you I couldn't do it anymore.
I'm happy most of the time now. I walk outta work and look ahead to what's at home with my dawgs and the seasons on the farm. The asparagus is about to come up. I still like beer and cooking.
Thanks for never mistreating me. Thanks for being a terrific Dad and not such a terrific husband. I accept my part in the whole deal and I'm just grateful that you're still around when I say "Hey You...I just needed to hear your voice."
That particular day, I went to work and you called in. Not unusual, really. You didn't feel good and had a bit of chest discomfort. About an hour into the day I called to check on you and things seemed worse. I talked to one of the ER nurses and she said for me to go get your ass.
By the time I got home you were layin' on the bed in terrible pain. Once we got in the car, you seemed intent on living, kickin' the dash and screaming at me the whole wild 10 minute ride. "RUN that mother fucker!". I was stopping for red lights while you were dyin'. Go figure.
They did all the right things at the hospital. EKG...tombstones. Cardiac markers, negative. Morphine for the pain and chopper on the way with Activase doing its' magic. You were the poster boy at 39 for modern medical miracles, including the follow-up 3 months later for early closure w/o stenting. Doc was in a hurry that first time, okay? We watched NCAA ball from the top floor of Methodist North and I slept in the window.
It began to unravel quickly after that. We both knew that our "reunion" was about $$$$ and our Babygirl and not at all about us. I think that there at the end of it, you finally DID care about me. I reckon that's why you cried so when I told you I couldn't do it anymore.
I'm happy most of the time now. I walk outta work and look ahead to what's at home with my dawgs and the seasons on the farm. The asparagus is about to come up. I still like beer and cooking.
Thanks for never mistreating me. Thanks for being a terrific Dad and not such a terrific husband. I accept my part in the whole deal and I'm just grateful that you're still around when I say "Hey You...I just needed to hear your voice."
Monday, March 07, 2005
Notes from a Pity Party
The darkness comes upon me in fatigue, and usually when I least expect it. Today's cue for melancholy was an answered e-mail from weeks gone by. Full of the condescending attitude that permeates corporate America, it was one of those "I'm sorry you feel that way" type of things where the writer/speaker accepts no responsibility for any part of it but shifts the action back to the "feeler".
I'm always the feeler, it seems.....and when I feel it, I usually say it. One of these days I will learn ( probably from my nursing home bed ) to keep my trap shut and expect nothing. Perhaps by then, it won't matter to me and I will expect no validation other than a periodic visit from some good old church soul or a distant cousin wanting to relive the past that is ours.
One who is made differently from myself could have, and certainly WOULD have given much less to a career and much more to self gratification. I often wonder why I have felt the need to get back up and try it again after being knocked flat on my face so many times. The only way to live that life is to rationalize that faith and hope are the keys to successful living. Many times, I feel that I will go to my grave holding onto those things with good intentions and dreams as my companions in the end.
Sitting through Lacey's orientation on the "benefits" today sort of threw cold water on my face. She is young, and much smarter than myself. Her childhood was filled with my quest to be everything to everybody and my miserable failure to everyone.....including myself. I see a wisdom and independence in her soul that I lacked at her age. It's one of the few things that gives me comfort these days, knowing that she will not tolerate the crap that she saw her Momma live.
I guess that means I've done my most important job well.
Now, bring on Prince Charming!
I'm always the feeler, it seems.....and when I feel it, I usually say it. One of these days I will learn ( probably from my nursing home bed ) to keep my trap shut and expect nothing. Perhaps by then, it won't matter to me and I will expect no validation other than a periodic visit from some good old church soul or a distant cousin wanting to relive the past that is ours.
One who is made differently from myself could have, and certainly WOULD have given much less to a career and much more to self gratification. I often wonder why I have felt the need to get back up and try it again after being knocked flat on my face so many times. The only way to live that life is to rationalize that faith and hope are the keys to successful living. Many times, I feel that I will go to my grave holding onto those things with good intentions and dreams as my companions in the end.
Sitting through Lacey's orientation on the "benefits" today sort of threw cold water on my face. She is young, and much smarter than myself. Her childhood was filled with my quest to be everything to everybody and my miserable failure to everyone.....including myself. I see a wisdom and independence in her soul that I lacked at her age. It's one of the few things that gives me comfort these days, knowing that she will not tolerate the crap that she saw her Momma live.
I guess that means I've done my most important job well.
Now, bring on Prince Charming!
Friday, March 04, 2005
Present tense
I realized today how very long I've been living in the past. Part of that is the grief process but part of it is just plain old stubborness...a failure on my part to give up the ghost and accept responsibility for my own care and happiness.
Heard through the grapevine that Fred's dad died. He was elderly and it was "expected". He chose not to talk about it....not to me anyway. Why would he? I'm just a gal at work. That's pretty much a contrast to Tim and his very present wife and daughter(s). PENNY. KATIE BETH. RYAN MCKENZIE soon to be born.
Fred's family is a big mystery, except for the babygirl who seems to be on his mind 24/7. He has spoken of a sister by name, but the wife is nameless. She's just "my wife...the homemaker."
That strikes me as very sad. Even in the past tense, my husband has a name. We spent 20 years together and half as many gettin' apart so there's some shared territory there. We have a child....we will share grandchildren someday.
It's March and the grass is growin' again. My lawnmowers are in the shop. I have one and a half dawgs, two cats, one Babygirl, and a family complete with brothers and parents and cousins. My job is not bad most days and I live in paradise.
It's all good.
Heard through the grapevine that Fred's dad died. He was elderly and it was "expected". He chose not to talk about it....not to me anyway. Why would he? I'm just a gal at work. That's pretty much a contrast to Tim and his very present wife and daughter(s). PENNY. KATIE BETH. RYAN MCKENZIE soon to be born.
Fred's family is a big mystery, except for the babygirl who seems to be on his mind 24/7. He has spoken of a sister by name, but the wife is nameless. She's just "my wife...the homemaker."
That strikes me as very sad. Even in the past tense, my husband has a name. We spent 20 years together and half as many gettin' apart so there's some shared territory there. We have a child....we will share grandchildren someday.
It's March and the grass is growin' again. My lawnmowers are in the shop. I have one and a half dawgs, two cats, one Babygirl, and a family complete with brothers and parents and cousins. My job is not bad most days and I live in paradise.
It's all good.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Ending the war...by Ms Doris
Just had to write you to tell you of my plan. There has been a young girl on CNN all day playing and singing a song that she wrote. It is entitled YES WE CAN. Her playing leaves much to be desired, her voice is terrible and the piano is out of tune. I don't think that i can stand another repeat performance. So, the last time I heard it, I decided that we could drive the
Taliban and leaders of Afganistan crazy if only we would make a million tapes of her performance and play it over really loudspeakers constrantly and in no time i feel sure they would vow and declare they would never attack us again if only we would destroy all of the tapes. If you have not heard her you can not appreciate my suggestion but if you have heard her i feel sure you will agree to my plan! It sort of reminded me of the time the mayor used JJ to sing his commercials. I was not surprised when his business made a turn for the wrose!!!! Then, I can not imagine anyone in their right mind requesting Jesse Jackson's presence to solve any problem. I know now that the taliban has to be made up of a group of crazies. Maybe they want him to come over so they can have him for the entertainment at their soccer field that money fromthis country helped to build. Afterall, they have been using women who have commited adultry for the entertainment as they shot them so why not use Jesse - is there a difference. They could put him in a robe and a long veil and no one would know the difference unless he opened his mouth and they would hear the lisp when he said "dont shshshshshoot me"!! Glad to have news of Lacey. No, you have not repeated yourself. So glad she has a steady - surprised she has not had many by now. Give her a hug for me. I still remember her Easter present to me. Tell her to be sure to include me on her graduation list. Not that i will be there but i want to send a present. Glad you mentioned peggy. I had wondered about her and it seems this has been going; on forever. Give her my love. Going to walk at the family life center. so must go now. Oh, thanks ;for the news of the Yarbro house. I bet there was nothing left in that old house but a bunch of absolute junk . You know that family would not have left anything valuable. I wonder what happened to the rats that Cube told mother years ago lived ;in the house. She told Mother that they were larger than cats. I think that was when Frankie Ann and Chucky lived in the house and you know how many years ago that was!! Gotta go. Love Doris
Taliban and leaders of Afganistan crazy if only we would make a million tapes of her performance and play it over really loudspeakers constrantly and in no time i feel sure they would vow and declare they would never attack us again if only we would destroy all of the tapes. If you have not heard her you can not appreciate my suggestion but if you have heard her i feel sure you will agree to my plan! It sort of reminded me of the time the mayor used JJ to sing his commercials. I was not surprised when his business made a turn for the wrose!!!! Then, I can not imagine anyone in their right mind requesting Jesse Jackson's presence to solve any problem. I know now that the taliban has to be made up of a group of crazies. Maybe they want him to come over so they can have him for the entertainment at their soccer field that money fromthis country helped to build. Afterall, they have been using women who have commited adultry for the entertainment as they shot them so why not use Jesse - is there a difference. They could put him in a robe and a long veil and no one would know the difference unless he opened his mouth and they would hear the lisp when he said "dont shshshshshoot me"!! Glad to have news of Lacey. No, you have not repeated yourself. So glad she has a steady - surprised she has not had many by now. Give her a hug for me. I still remember her Easter present to me. Tell her to be sure to include me on her graduation list. Not that i will be there but i want to send a present. Glad you mentioned peggy. I had wondered about her and it seems this has been going; on forever. Give her my love. Going to walk at the family life center. so must go now. Oh, thanks ;for the news of the Yarbro house. I bet there was nothing left in that old house but a bunch of absolute junk . You know that family would not have left anything valuable. I wonder what happened to the rats that Cube told mother years ago lived ;in the house. She told Mother that they were larger than cats. I think that was when Frankie Ann and Chucky lived in the house and you know how many years ago that was!! Gotta go. Love Doris
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Way deep down in her soul, Liza had always wanted to be a Daddy's girl. When she was little her momma kept things covered up on the girl front and her Dad Willy just ignored the whole female element in his houseshold. He worked two jobs and grabbed a little fun here and there bowlin' and playing penny ante poker. An ex-Southern Baptist, he threw himself into Methodism as a servant. Liza and the boys went to that Methodist church every Sunday 'til they were old enough to say no. Willy sang in the choir and was generally everybody's upstanding go-to fella for anything and everything concerning service.
Poverty and hard times during childhood can do a number on a man...and that happened to Willy. His Daddy was a sharecropper who drank a bit too much to suit his wife, but who could blame him. Sharecroppin' is a hard life. In today's lingo, he'd probably be known as co-dependent.
Liza knew that her Dad was everybody's favorite clown and friend when he was in high school. Her momma and the faded black and white pictures told her so. He worked his way through college and came out with a degree before going into the Air Force as a supply man in the Azores.
This was all great stuff for a depression era boy making good. It was also emotional disaster for a fella with a family who needed him to care and show it. Poor Willy just didn't know how.
He's an angry man, to this day. About what, nobody's sure. Maybe it's the childhood poverty or the way he was treated himself. Who the hell knows. All Liza ever knew was that he made her feel stupid. It took a coupla years of therapy and alots of tears for her to realize that who she was didn't have a damn thing to do with what he said to her.
"What are you thinking??? You're an idiot for doing that." It was never quite so much the words as it was the tone of voice that he used that could cut her down to the nub in an instant. Never "I love you" or "I'm proud of you". The absence of the put downs was replaced with total avoidance by reading the newspaper or watching football.
As an adult, Liza found herself still looking for that support. She "loved" many men who weren't capable of loving back and always...always played right into Willy's anger and came out feeling like shit. Emotional unavailability in a man was like a magnet for her.
Poverty and hard times during childhood can do a number on a man...and that happened to Willy. His Daddy was a sharecropper who drank a bit too much to suit his wife, but who could blame him. Sharecroppin' is a hard life. In today's lingo, he'd probably be known as co-dependent.
Liza knew that her Dad was everybody's favorite clown and friend when he was in high school. Her momma and the faded black and white pictures told her so. He worked his way through college and came out with a degree before going into the Air Force as a supply man in the Azores.
This was all great stuff for a depression era boy making good. It was also emotional disaster for a fella with a family who needed him to care and show it. Poor Willy just didn't know how.
He's an angry man, to this day. About what, nobody's sure. Maybe it's the childhood poverty or the way he was treated himself. Who the hell knows. All Liza ever knew was that he made her feel stupid. It took a coupla years of therapy and alots of tears for her to realize that who she was didn't have a damn thing to do with what he said to her.
"What are you thinking??? You're an idiot for doing that." It was never quite so much the words as it was the tone of voice that he used that could cut her down to the nub in an instant. Never "I love you" or "I'm proud of you". The absence of the put downs was replaced with total avoidance by reading the newspaper or watching football.
As an adult, Liza found herself still looking for that support. She "loved" many men who weren't capable of loving back and always...always played right into Willy's anger and came out feeling like shit. Emotional unavailability in a man was like a magnet for her.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Dear Fred,
It’s been a while since I’ve seen your face but hearing your voice is almost as good. At least I have a mental picture when you talk. I’m sure you don’t wanna hear all this crap, but I feel the need to do it and you’re hard to pin down.
I first remember noticing that you made me smile about a year before I fled from that disaster of a marriage. Things could be going to hell in a handbasket at work, and you’d just whistle and throw out some one-liners to defuse the situation. That impish smile and cocky whistle caught my attention every time. But not just me. Everybody else at work thought you were the best too.
After my divorce, I spent about 6 months in a haze…lots of alcohol and plenty of crying. It wasn’t because of the marriage being over, particularly. It was simply because I found myself to be 47 and never having known what it feels like to be truly loved by a man. That was when I turned to you in fear of not having that chance.
You’ve seen me in just about every emotional state there is yet all I know of you is the whistling happy go lucky guy at work. With a daughter you adore. And a wife you don’t talk about. When I start to feel sorry for myself about being lonely, I think about how lonely you can be in a marriage and I feel better….I knew the feeling well.
You’ve been really polite and kind about the whole thing, and I imagine you’re relieved I’m not the kind to lawyer up on sexual harassment. If only you knew how far from the truth that is.
In the beginning, I admit, that it looked mighty attractive to dream about not having to work for once in my life and being somebody’s companion and best friend. That’s what it was though….not anything like greed or opportunism. Just a weary old gal who’d like to rest from one job to do another.
Later on, I had to let go. When you turned me away cold it hurt my soul worse than anything I can remember. I was so scared to come to you like that and the look on your face is burned on my brain forever. Something like “What? I didn’t do a thing!”
You didn’t, and that’s the beautiful part. I fell in love with you for who you are and not what you can do for me. My friend told me to watch out for the “little guy syndrome” You know what that is….Like when you’re extremely cocky because you feel insecure about being a little guy. And ya know what? She’s right. My Daddy’s that way too.
Which brings me to the point. I’m not sure what that is, except to say once again that you bring out the best in me and make me want to be better. And you do it in such a way that I never feel guilty or wrong or stupid. Even when I got snotty nosed honest with ya.
I think that we do what we have to do to survive when times are hard, and if I hadn’t had you to look forward to the past few years, my life would’ve been pretty empty. When I try to feel sorry for myself or hurt, that’s a blessing that I count as major. You have no idea how close I was to going over the edge. Or maybe you did.
The fact remains that three years later, I still love you. It’s a different love now, that’s based on reality of what is …like a wife. And years of shared experiences. Conversation about kids and co-workers and food and pre-nups and religion and drinking. Life stuff. REAL stuff.
I’m crying as I write this, not because you’re dead or gone or mad at me. It’s just because I’ve let go of a dream….one that’s been with me for awhile. At least I’m getting’ quicker….it didn’t take me 20 years this time.
Deb tells me that the ten year rule is always in effect, and she’s pretty smart. According to that rule, you’ve got seven more to realize what a “creature like none other” that I am. In the meantime I’ll still smile when you whistle.
With much smartass love……..^j^
It’s been a while since I’ve seen your face but hearing your voice is almost as good. At least I have a mental picture when you talk. I’m sure you don’t wanna hear all this crap, but I feel the need to do it and you’re hard to pin down.
I first remember noticing that you made me smile about a year before I fled from that disaster of a marriage. Things could be going to hell in a handbasket at work, and you’d just whistle and throw out some one-liners to defuse the situation. That impish smile and cocky whistle caught my attention every time. But not just me. Everybody else at work thought you were the best too.
After my divorce, I spent about 6 months in a haze…lots of alcohol and plenty of crying. It wasn’t because of the marriage being over, particularly. It was simply because I found myself to be 47 and never having known what it feels like to be truly loved by a man. That was when I turned to you in fear of not having that chance.
You’ve seen me in just about every emotional state there is yet all I know of you is the whistling happy go lucky guy at work. With a daughter you adore. And a wife you don’t talk about. When I start to feel sorry for myself about being lonely, I think about how lonely you can be in a marriage and I feel better….I knew the feeling well.
You’ve been really polite and kind about the whole thing, and I imagine you’re relieved I’m not the kind to lawyer up on sexual harassment. If only you knew how far from the truth that is.
In the beginning, I admit, that it looked mighty attractive to dream about not having to work for once in my life and being somebody’s companion and best friend. That’s what it was though….not anything like greed or opportunism. Just a weary old gal who’d like to rest from one job to do another.
Later on, I had to let go. When you turned me away cold it hurt my soul worse than anything I can remember. I was so scared to come to you like that and the look on your face is burned on my brain forever. Something like “What? I didn’t do a thing!”
You didn’t, and that’s the beautiful part. I fell in love with you for who you are and not what you can do for me. My friend told me to watch out for the “little guy syndrome” You know what that is….Like when you’re extremely cocky because you feel insecure about being a little guy. And ya know what? She’s right. My Daddy’s that way too.
Which brings me to the point. I’m not sure what that is, except to say once again that you bring out the best in me and make me want to be better. And you do it in such a way that I never feel guilty or wrong or stupid. Even when I got snotty nosed honest with ya.
I think that we do what we have to do to survive when times are hard, and if I hadn’t had you to look forward to the past few years, my life would’ve been pretty empty. When I try to feel sorry for myself or hurt, that’s a blessing that I count as major. You have no idea how close I was to going over the edge. Or maybe you did.
The fact remains that three years later, I still love you. It’s a different love now, that’s based on reality of what is …like a wife. And years of shared experiences. Conversation about kids and co-workers and food and pre-nups and religion and drinking. Life stuff. REAL stuff.
I’m crying as I write this, not because you’re dead or gone or mad at me. It’s just because I’ve let go of a dream….one that’s been with me for awhile. At least I’m getting’ quicker….it didn’t take me 20 years this time.
Deb tells me that the ten year rule is always in effect, and she’s pretty smart. According to that rule, you’ve got seven more to realize what a “creature like none other” that I am. In the meantime I’ll still smile when you whistle.
With much smartass love……..^j^
Friday, November 26, 2004
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Cool_dog was absolutely crazy about Brandy. They both worked at WalMart, ya see. Every day he would get online and tell Liza about how he had wanted to kiss Brandy and did she love him and yadayada. Liza could only speak for her own heart, which was firmly in Fred’s hands at that time.
“Yes dear….Brandy loves you.” Liza was the eternal optimist and always tried to keep the faith with her cyberfriends, just like the real live ones. Cooldog watched Brandy bend over the counter and wanted to kiss her right then and there. Liza could never understand that kind of letting the moment slip by. Maybe she was just a fool for the timing of all of it…..a bit of a control freak. God knows she’d let a few opportunities slip by her in this lifetime. But she had always gathered the courage to say what she felt and act on it. Usually, she got shot down.
Fred had shot her down like a bird in flight when she was very vulnerable. He had played with her at work and then turned her away when she reached out to his advances. Her friend Sanner had told her long ago that “work guy” as they referred to him was way too cute for her own good. Sanner and her much younger husband lived in a neighboring county with their dog and their attitudes. After the tornado, she and Barry came around to help Liza cut the tree offa the house.
“I thought this was gonna be like a BIG tree” Barry said with chainsaw in hand. “This is not a bit of a challenge for a real man”. Oh boy. Liza was thankful for the chainsaw hands and they cut down every piece of wood in sight that was messing up the environment. Liza and Lacey had ended up away from home for more than a week after the tornado. Lacey bunked at Dad’s and Liza went at first to her friend Katie’s house, home of the “Garden of Eden” as they laughingly referred to her beautifully landscaped pool area. Each day for the following 5 days the area was hit with torrential rains/ tornado warnings while Liza tried desperately to get back home. Her phone was still on, but no electricity. Then on Tuesday the phone went out. Most power to the city was restored by Tuesday, but not Liza’s. She played gypsy once again and moved into the home of a co-worker who was out of town. On Wednesday the hundred year old box culvert under the lane collapsed from the flooding leaving the road impassable. Road crews repaired the culvert on Friday and cut the phone line while working. By Saturday there was electricity, a road and a phone so Liza and Lacey piled all their belongings into their respective cars and headed home to a knee high yard full of limbs and an empty refrigerator.
“Yes dear….Brandy loves you.” Liza was the eternal optimist and always tried to keep the faith with her cyberfriends, just like the real live ones. Cooldog watched Brandy bend over the counter and wanted to kiss her right then and there. Liza could never understand that kind of letting the moment slip by. Maybe she was just a fool for the timing of all of it…..a bit of a control freak. God knows she’d let a few opportunities slip by her in this lifetime. But she had always gathered the courage to say what she felt and act on it. Usually, she got shot down.
Fred had shot her down like a bird in flight when she was very vulnerable. He had played with her at work and then turned her away when she reached out to his advances. Her friend Sanner had told her long ago that “work guy” as they referred to him was way too cute for her own good. Sanner and her much younger husband lived in a neighboring county with their dog and their attitudes. After the tornado, she and Barry came around to help Liza cut the tree offa the house.
“I thought this was gonna be like a BIG tree” Barry said with chainsaw in hand. “This is not a bit of a challenge for a real man”. Oh boy. Liza was thankful for the chainsaw hands and they cut down every piece of wood in sight that was messing up the environment. Liza and Lacey had ended up away from home for more than a week after the tornado. Lacey bunked at Dad’s and Liza went at first to her friend Katie’s house, home of the “Garden of Eden” as they laughingly referred to her beautifully landscaped pool area. Each day for the following 5 days the area was hit with torrential rains/ tornado warnings while Liza tried desperately to get back home. Her phone was still on, but no electricity. Then on Tuesday the phone went out. Most power to the city was restored by Tuesday, but not Liza’s. She played gypsy once again and moved into the home of a co-worker who was out of town. On Wednesday the hundred year old box culvert under the lane collapsed from the flooding leaving the road impassable. Road crews repaired the culvert on Friday and cut the phone line while working. By Saturday there was electricity, a road and a phone so Liza and Lacey piled all their belongings into their respective cars and headed home to a knee high yard full of limbs and an empty refrigerator.
Monday, November 15, 2004
Liza listened to the drone of the cotton-picker on second pass as she cooked dinner. It’s a distinctly southern thing that one takes for granted, like the sprawling kudzu that takes over every inch that it can claim. She had noticed at the bar that the security light out back was covered up to its’ tip top exactly like the entire left side of the property up to the bridges. Forked Deere river water plus God’s planting had made it a fertile breeding ground.
The hill up in front of the dairy barn on the lane was covered with it and it remained lush green in mid-November. A family of groundhogs resided there in the recesses of the hill camouflaged by the climbing vines. The squirrels were bold this autumn…runnin’ like crazy. She only hoped this didn’t bode a bad winter. Propane was at an all time high due to the war.
Lumpy had taken a notion to burn some shit on his weekend off. Knowing that pyromania is a dominant trait, he gladly stoked the fire for both Lacey and Liza every chance he got. This was the first fire at HIS house. Country living affords one the luxury of unloading and lightin’ a match to it, whether it’s the contents of the attic or the back of a pickup or a years’ worth of leaves and limbs.
“Whatcha doing?” he asked Liza. “I’m watching a movie…just started”. “Is it a really GOOD movie? The fire came back to life this afternoon.” “Be right there” she quipped. Faith hopped in the back seat and they followed the smoke signals down the lane.
Fortunately, the wind was blowin’ the right way today. She and Lacey bonded with Faith while Lumpy piddled with the fire. Many of the trees were bare, but the ones that still had leaves were magnificent. Bright golds and oranges and reds reflected off of the setting sun in the woods over the riverbed. Faith’s auburn coat with blonde highlights was a beautiful contrast to the green of the pasture as she sniffed her way around and fetched treasures from the field.
This was Liza’s element….outdoors enjoying nature. She watched the flames lick the rotten wood and rambled on about the war. Many of Lacey and Lumpy’s friends were serving and these days almost everybody that anybody knew had been affected by it. She had believed from the first day that this war was wrong and the goals blurry. Each and every day served as a reminder that Americans were losing their lives 11,000 miles away to extremists with nothing to lose but their lives. And in their book, that was the prize. Self-sacrifice for Jihad, the Holy War. That guaranteed praise and glory from Allah.
Tending the stove, her mind wandered down her “to do” list for the coming week. She had noticed with much regret that the downtown hardware store was announcing its’ closing, with a big sale preceding. Forked Deere Hardware was the last family owned business on Court Square in her small town. All of one generation of the family had died leaving the quaint little store in the hands of baby boomers that had operated it for the past few years. This was the kind of store where you could find one of ANYTHING, if you could only find it! It was a welcome alternative for Liza to traveling to the super-centers for a nail or a light bulb. The character of the place was defined by the rakes and shovels and red wagons displayed on the sidewalk and by the elderly gentleman who swept there every morning and waved at the passing traffic. The old store looked rather odd next to the modern sandwich restaurant right next door. One by one the stores around the square had been replaced with lawyer’s offices circling the county courthouse. There was an upscale furniture store, a couple of banks and drug stores and a few other businesses, but for the most part the historic downtown district had been remodeled and occupied by the legal profession that did business in its’center. Liza preferred that route to work because there was rarely any traffic.
The main street into town was actually a business route from the US highway that linked the town to the rest of the state. It cut off south of town and ran past the Dairy Queen and the double bridges over the Forked Deere river, across the railroad tracks and straight through to the Methodist Church. A typical southern town.
The hill up in front of the dairy barn on the lane was covered with it and it remained lush green in mid-November. A family of groundhogs resided there in the recesses of the hill camouflaged by the climbing vines. The squirrels were bold this autumn…runnin’ like crazy. She only hoped this didn’t bode a bad winter. Propane was at an all time high due to the war.
Lumpy had taken a notion to burn some shit on his weekend off. Knowing that pyromania is a dominant trait, he gladly stoked the fire for both Lacey and Liza every chance he got. This was the first fire at HIS house. Country living affords one the luxury of unloading and lightin’ a match to it, whether it’s the contents of the attic or the back of a pickup or a years’ worth of leaves and limbs.
“Whatcha doing?” he asked Liza. “I’m watching a movie…just started”. “Is it a really GOOD movie? The fire came back to life this afternoon.” “Be right there” she quipped. Faith hopped in the back seat and they followed the smoke signals down the lane.
Fortunately, the wind was blowin’ the right way today. She and Lacey bonded with Faith while Lumpy piddled with the fire. Many of the trees were bare, but the ones that still had leaves were magnificent. Bright golds and oranges and reds reflected off of the setting sun in the woods over the riverbed. Faith’s auburn coat with blonde highlights was a beautiful contrast to the green of the pasture as she sniffed her way around and fetched treasures from the field.
This was Liza’s element….outdoors enjoying nature. She watched the flames lick the rotten wood and rambled on about the war. Many of Lacey and Lumpy’s friends were serving and these days almost everybody that anybody knew had been affected by it. She had believed from the first day that this war was wrong and the goals blurry. Each and every day served as a reminder that Americans were losing their lives 11,000 miles away to extremists with nothing to lose but their lives. And in their book, that was the prize. Self-sacrifice for Jihad, the Holy War. That guaranteed praise and glory from Allah.
Tending the stove, her mind wandered down her “to do” list for the coming week. She had noticed with much regret that the downtown hardware store was announcing its’ closing, with a big sale preceding. Forked Deere Hardware was the last family owned business on Court Square in her small town. All of one generation of the family had died leaving the quaint little store in the hands of baby boomers that had operated it for the past few years. This was the kind of store where you could find one of ANYTHING, if you could only find it! It was a welcome alternative for Liza to traveling to the super-centers for a nail or a light bulb. The character of the place was defined by the rakes and shovels and red wagons displayed on the sidewalk and by the elderly gentleman who swept there every morning and waved at the passing traffic. The old store looked rather odd next to the modern sandwich restaurant right next door. One by one the stores around the square had been replaced with lawyer’s offices circling the county courthouse. There was an upscale furniture store, a couple of banks and drug stores and a few other businesses, but for the most part the historic downtown district had been remodeled and occupied by the legal profession that did business in its’center. Liza preferred that route to work because there was rarely any traffic.
The main street into town was actually a business route from the US highway that linked the town to the rest of the state. It cut off south of town and ran past the Dairy Queen and the double bridges over the Forked Deere river, across the railroad tracks and straight through to the Methodist Church. A typical southern town.
Saturday, November 13, 2004
Liza woke up chilly and early. Way early. She had to be at work at 6am but it was still close to 4 and she was wide awake. Faith flopped around like fish out of water trying to get her nest made since Liza had stirred her from her usual deep puppy slumber. Finally, they both gave it up and stared at each other across the pillow. “Oh MY GOD” Liza thought to herself. “I’m sleeping with a dog!” Faith licked her face and turned over again.
The day was not bad for a first one back off of vacation. Weekends tended to be like that because all the usual weekday activity was at a halt and only the hospital in-patients demanded attention. All departments were short staffed on weekends and holidays, not just the lab.
Liza had enough energy to pack her week’s garbage into the trunk of her Camry and take Faith for a ride to haul it off. She loved looking into the side mirror and watching those brown ears flap in the breeze while Faith hung out the window. As she approached the bar, she spotted Mary Beth’s car and turned in on a dime. Her old home away from home had been a blur as she drove by in recent months and she had missed Mary Beth. She knew several of the other vehicles too, and sure enough…..there came Gerry out the front door on his cell placing a bet on the day’s game. Liza left Faith in the car ( though dogs ARE allowed inside, if well behaved! ) and wandered in. As usual, it took a few minutes for her eyes to adjust to the darkness inside. She headed straight for Mary Beth and they hugged like the year since their last meeting had vanished into thin air.
Nothing had changed, nor would it ever. The length of the bar was seated with men silently enjoying the brotherhood of college football and enjoying their favorite beer. Saturday at this bar was definitely NOT an opportune place or time to strike up friendly conversation with the male species. Liza greeted the ones she knew and headed for Gene on the way out the door. “ Where you been baby?” he crooned. His face showed the hangover from Friday night but she gave him a big smooch anyway. “All I ever do is work and go home….you know the routine”. “I know you’ve missed me though” she said. “Good to see you baby. Come back when you can stay longer”. Faith’s vet was peering across the neon beer sign in the window to where she was checking it all out from the car.
Woofie was pacing on the car seats but enjoying the view. As soon as the motor started up, Liza lowered the window enough for that big brown head to hang out and feel the breeze on the way home. Life is good if you let it be.
The day was not bad for a first one back off of vacation. Weekends tended to be like that because all the usual weekday activity was at a halt and only the hospital in-patients demanded attention. All departments were short staffed on weekends and holidays, not just the lab.
Liza had enough energy to pack her week’s garbage into the trunk of her Camry and take Faith for a ride to haul it off. She loved looking into the side mirror and watching those brown ears flap in the breeze while Faith hung out the window. As she approached the bar, she spotted Mary Beth’s car and turned in on a dime. Her old home away from home had been a blur as she drove by in recent months and she had missed Mary Beth. She knew several of the other vehicles too, and sure enough…..there came Gerry out the front door on his cell placing a bet on the day’s game. Liza left Faith in the car ( though dogs ARE allowed inside, if well behaved! ) and wandered in. As usual, it took a few minutes for her eyes to adjust to the darkness inside. She headed straight for Mary Beth and they hugged like the year since their last meeting had vanished into thin air.
Nothing had changed, nor would it ever. The length of the bar was seated with men silently enjoying the brotherhood of college football and enjoying their favorite beer. Saturday at this bar was definitely NOT an opportune place or time to strike up friendly conversation with the male species. Liza greeted the ones she knew and headed for Gene on the way out the door. “ Where you been baby?” he crooned. His face showed the hangover from Friday night but she gave him a big smooch anyway. “All I ever do is work and go home….you know the routine”. “I know you’ve missed me though” she said. “Good to see you baby. Come back when you can stay longer”. Faith’s vet was peering across the neon beer sign in the window to where she was checking it all out from the car.
Woofie was pacing on the car seats but enjoying the view. As soon as the motor started up, Liza lowered the window enough for that big brown head to hang out and feel the breeze on the way home. Life is good if you let it be.
Friday, November 12, 2004
eliza_jane9 (6:05:32 PM): hey you!
gulfcoast_pilot (6:05:57 PM): hello. how are ya?
eliza_jane9 (6:06:05 PM): i'm fine
eliza_jane9 (6:06:10 PM): yourself?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:06:19 PM): doing ok. just relaxing
eliza_jane9 (6:06:24 PM): me too
eliza_jane9 (6:06:30 PM): i'm on vacation for a week
gulfcoast_pilot (6:06:43 PM): internet chat is a guilty pleasure of mine. haha. i just read what others type.
eliza_jane9 (6:06:53 PM): yeah well
eliza_jane9 (6:07:01 PM): we all got our guilty pleasures
gulfcoast_pilot (6:08:10 PM): true
gulfcoast_pilot (6:08:11 PM): i should probably be out enjoying the gorgeous weather, but oh well.
gulfcoast_pilot (6:08:11 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:08:24 PM): kinda dark where i am
eliza_jane9 (6:08:31 PM): i sure enjoyed it today!
gulfcoast_pilot (6:08:49 PM): yeah, dark here
eliza_jane9 (6:08:57 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (6:08:57 PM): but still nice outside
eliza_jane9 (6:09:01 PM): oh yeah
eliza_jane9 (6:09:04 PM): perfect weather
eliza_jane9 (6:09:12 PM): where do ya live?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:09:21 PM): biloxi, ms and cincinnati, oh
eliza_jane9 (6:09:27 PM): lord boy
eliza_jane9 (6:09:35 PM): that's a schizo combination
gulfcoast_pilot (6:09:43 PM): well, i hate the north
gulfcoast_pilot (6:09:45 PM): but...work
eliza_jane9 (6:10:04 PM): you fly up north?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:10:27 PM): yeah, fly about everywhere
gulfcoast_pilot (6:10:32 PM): but based with my airline in cincinnati
gulfcoast_pilot (6:11:10 PM): and my reserve squadron is in mississippi
eliza_jane9 (6:11:11 PM): hmm....sup with the gulfcoast thang?
eliza_jane9 (6:11:14 PM): ahhh...
gulfcoast_pilot (6:11:26 PM): i live in both places
eliza_jane9 (6:11:30 PM): i'm a beach freak....that caught my attention
gulfcoast_pilot (6:11:30 PM): from dover, tn though
gulfcoast_pilot (6:11:45 PM): land between the lakes area
eliza_jane9 (6:11:51 PM): hmm
gulfcoast_pilot (6:11:53 PM): well, we have beaches, but no surf down here
gulfcoast_pilot (6:12:03 PM): i'm in biloxi now
eliza_jane9 (6:12:19 PM): doing the military thang?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:12:34 PM): yeah. but even if i'm not, if i have time off, i prefer it down here
gulfcoast_pilot (6:12:36 PM): i'm southern
gulfcoast_pilot (6:12:40 PM): not a fan of the north at all
gulfcoast_pilot (6:12:45 PM): so, i fit in better here than there
eliza_jane9 (6:12:46 PM): i hear ya
eliza_jane9 (6:12:56 PM): i'm in west tennessee
gulfcoast_pilot (6:13:01 PM): folks still have some common courtesy here
eliza_jane9 (6:13:38 PM): yep...they'll wave at ya and say thanks and open the door
gulfcoast_pilot (6:14:01 PM): even an occaisional smile or "hello"
gulfcoast_pilot (6:14:10 PM): for no reason
gulfcoast_pilot (6:14:13 PM): but never up north
gulfcoast_pilot (6:14:29 PM): they'd look at ya like you had three heads if you did that in new york city
eliza_jane9 (6:14:36 PM): hmm
eliza_jane9 (6:14:59 PM): good reason not to live there
eliza_jane9 (6:15:04 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (6:15:22 PM): i love to visit though
gulfcoast_pilot (6:15:27 PM): new york city that is
gulfcoast_pilot (6:15:30 PM): great nightlife
eliza_jane9 (6:15:43 PM): i'm sure
eliza_jane9 (6:15:53 PM): never been there
eliza_jane9 (6:16:09 PM): went to texas once
eliza_jane9 (6:16:15 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (6:16:26 PM): i've been everywhere but australia and antarctica
eliza_jane9 (6:16:50 PM): fringe benefit of the job huh?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:17:02 PM): yeah, no time for much else though
eliza_jane9 (6:17:15 PM): hmm..i imagine
eliza_jane9 (6:17:31 PM): my brother's a pilot...small plane and helicopter
gulfcoast_pilot (6:17:52 PM): i've never flown a helicopter
gulfcoast_pilot (6:17:56 PM): looks more challenging
eliza_jane9 (6:18:12 PM): lol...he landed the motha in the vacant lot next to my house one time
gulfcoast_pilot (6:18:25 PM): exciting
gulfcoast_pilot (6:18:29 PM): hehe
eliza_jane9 (6:18:31 PM): took me to my parents house
gulfcoast_pilot (6:18:34 PM): were you expecting it?
eliza_jane9 (6:18:40 PM): nah
eliza_jane9 (6:19:04 PM): scared the crap outta me though
eliza_jane9 (6:19:11 PM): the thing didn't have any doors
gulfcoast_pilot (6:19:22 PM): just strap in
gulfcoast_pilot (6:19:34 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:20:03 PM): um hmm
eliza_jane9 (6:20:13 PM): doors wouldn't make much difference anyway
gulfcoast_pilot (6:20:20 PM): probably not
eliza_jane9 (6:20:23 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:20:48 PM): you lookin' at any iraq time?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:21:00 PM): funny you mention it...in 6 weeks i leave
eliza_jane9 (6:21:10 PM): oh shit
gulfcoast_pilot (6:21:21 PM): i volunteered
eliza_jane9 (6:21:33 PM): tell me why
gulfcoast_pilot (6:21:43 PM): i'm single
gulfcoast_pilot (6:21:45 PM): no kids
gulfcoast_pilot (6:21:53 PM): if i didn't go, someone else would have to
gulfcoast_pilot (6:22:05 PM): and i love adventure
gulfcoast_pilot (6:22:07 PM): soooooooo
eliza_jane9 (6:22:28 PM): good luck dude
gulfcoast_pilot (6:22:49 PM): haha, i'm sure i'll be fine
gulfcoast_pilot (6:22:54 PM): thanks
eliza_jane9 (6:23:47 PM): so you gotta woman at every port?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:24:03 PM): na, nothing like that
gulfcoast_pilot (6:25:11 PM): i wish i was that kind of guy sometimes...but i'm pretty laid back. reserved. respectful.
eliza_jane9 (6:25:29 PM): that's the way to be
gulfcoast_pilot (6:25:45 PM): not out to crush anyone
gulfcoast_pilot (6:25:55 PM): and there is no respectful way to be a player
eliza_jane9 (6:26:04 PM): true
eliza_jane9 (6:26:14 PM): i've met a jillion of em
gulfcoast_pilot (6:26:39 PM): God cursed me with a conscience.....if i didn't have one, i'd be a player
gulfcoast_pilot (6:26:40 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:26:50 PM): ayep...same here
eliza_jane9 (6:26:59 PM): i got this weakness for honesty and truth
eliza_jane9 (6:27:19 PM): gets me in BIG trouble sometimes
gulfcoast_pilot (6:29:07 PM): you're over there by reelfoot lake?
eliza_jane9 (6:29:17 PM): yep
eliza_jane9 (6:29:33 PM): and the mighty mississipi
gulfcoast_pilot (6:29:40 PM): i drive through jackson a bit. but have never been to dyersburg
eliza_jane9 (6:29:58 PM): it's about 40 minutes from jackson
eliza_jane9 (6:30:02 PM): lil bitty town
eliza_jane9 (6:30:41 PM): i work at the hospital here...in the lab
gulfcoast_pilot (6:30:43 PM): i'm from dover
gulfcoast_pilot (6:30:45 PM): heard of dover?
eliza_jane9 (6:30:49 PM): um hmm
gulfcoast_pilot (6:30:54 PM): tiny, tiny town
gulfcoast_pilot (6:30:59 PM): in land between the lakes
eliza_jane9 (6:31:06 PM): beautiful place
gulfcoast_pilot (6:31:12 PM): i think so
gulfcoast_pilot (6:31:18 PM): i'll retire to there someday
eliza_jane9 (6:31:20 PM): got family there?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:31:23 PM): yes
gulfcoast_pilot (6:31:34 PM): father, his wife, brother and his wife and kids
gulfcoast_pilot (6:31:36 PM): kid
gulfcoast_pilot (6:31:44 PM): he has only one, but trying for two
gulfcoast_pilot (6:31:45 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:32:00 PM): you ever been married?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:32:05 PM): also have family in clarksville
gulfcoast_pilot (6:32:08 PM): i was married for 8 years
gulfcoast_pilot (6:32:14 PM): divorced 3 years ago
eliza_jane9 (6:32:22 PM): me too
eliza_jane9 (6:32:43 PM): just now catchin' my breath from that
gulfcoast_pilot (6:32:45 PM): 13 sep, '01
gulfcoast_pilot (6:32:49 PM): was a terrible week for me
eliza_jane9 (6:33:05 PM): bad week huh?
eliza_jane9 (6:33:06 PM): lol
gulfcoast_pilot (6:33:15 PM): yup
eliza_jane9 (6:34:09 PM): well...i feel your pain
gulfcoast_pilot (6:34:20 PM): was tough
gulfcoast_pilot (6:34:22 PM): i filed
gulfcoast_pilot (6:34:28 PM): but only because i knew she wanted it
gulfcoast_pilot (6:34:33 PM): and i could no longer live that way
gulfcoast_pilot (6:34:40 PM): had separate bedrooms for two years
eliza_jane9 (6:34:48 PM): yeah me too
eliza_jane9 (6:34:52 PM): and mine was the couch
eliza_jane9 (6:35:19 PM): i was married for 20 years...it shoulda been over in 5
gulfcoast_pilot (6:35:29 PM): i eloped
gulfcoast_pilot (6:35:41 PM): i think she regretted it almost immediately afterwards
gulfcoast_pilot (6:35:46 PM): and let it drag on for so long
eliza_jane9 (6:35:55 PM): guilty!
gulfcoast_pilot (6:35:57 PM): her mother and father loved me
gulfcoast_pilot (6:36:08 PM): and i think she stayed married to me because of them
gulfcoast_pilot (6:36:20 PM): and when her father died, she changed overnight
eliza_jane9 (6:36:36 PM): that happens when the parents die
eliza_jane9 (6:36:45 PM): you look at life differently
gulfcoast_pilot (6:37:06 PM): i suppose
gulfcoast_pilot (6:37:11 PM): i still have both my parents
eliza_jane9 (6:37:18 PM): so do i
eliza_jane9 (6:37:47 PM): ever regret not having kids?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:37:55 PM): might still
gulfcoast_pilot (6:37:56 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (6:38:03 PM): i wanted kids
eliza_jane9 (6:38:04 PM): true
gulfcoast_pilot (6:38:04 PM): she didn't
eliza_jane9 (6:38:19 PM): i've got one daughter
eliza_jane9 (6:38:25 PM): she's 20
gulfcoast_pilot (6:38:36 PM): you're close?
eliza_jane9 (6:38:43 PM): very
eliza_jane9 (6:39:12 PM): she doesn't have a clue what to do with her life
gulfcoast_pilot (6:39:36 PM): she's 20!
gulfcoast_pilot (6:39:40 PM): time to have a plan
gulfcoast_pilot (6:39:41 PM): haha
eliza_jane9 (6:39:48 PM): yep...i agree
gulfcoast_pilot (6:40:04 PM): she still lives at home?!
eliza_jane9 (6:40:06 PM): and sometimes plans don't work...so ya just wing it
eliza_jane9 (6:40:14 PM): kinda sorta
eliza_jane9 (6:40:20 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (6:40:33 PM): i couldn't wait to move out when i graduated hs
gulfcoast_pilot (6:40:38 PM): paid for my own college
gulfcoast_pilot (6:41:02 PM): and never looked back
gulfcoast_pilot (6:41:02 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:41:35 PM): i divorced when she was a senior
gulfcoast_pilot (6:41:43 PM): very tough on her i'm sure
eliza_jane9 (6:41:52 PM): i think she felt obliged to look after me for awhile
gulfcoast_pilot (6:41:55 PM): my folks divorced when i was 20
eliza_jane9 (6:42:02 PM): um hmm.....very hard on her
eliza_jane9 (6:42:13 PM): but she knew it was best
gulfcoast_pilot (6:42:46 PM): i gave my wife our divorce papers on out eighth anniversary
gulfcoast_pilot (6:43:01 PM): i'm sure she'd say it was the best anniversary gift she'd ever received.
eliza_jane9 (6:43:25 PM): makes ya wonder about marriage...the whole legal thing
gulfcoast_pilot (6:43:40 PM): oh, i have lost faith in the institution
gulfcoast_pilot (6:43:48 PM): why get married? kills the romance
gulfcoast_pilot (6:43:53 PM): makes ya quit working at it
gulfcoast_pilot (6:44:00 PM): makes you settle into a grind/routine
gulfcoast_pilot (6:44:21 PM): if there is a chance of losing your significant other, you tend to work a little harder
gulfcoast_pilot (6:44:25 PM): and remember the little things
eliza_jane9 (6:44:49 PM): that's true
gulfcoast_pilot (6:45:03 PM): i lived in denmark all summer. most don't marry
gulfcoast_pilot (6:45:16 PM): they just live and have a family together
gulfcoast_pilot (6:45:20 PM): and stay monogomous
eliza_jane9 (6:45:23 PM): and smoke lotsa dope!
gulfcoast_pilot (6:45:30 PM): very, very true
eliza_jane9 (6:45:33 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (6:45:51 PM): the folks i hung out with respected that i didn't/couldn't
gulfcoast_pilot (6:45:59 PM): so they didn't put it in my face
gulfcoast_pilot (6:46:04 PM): and i respected their choice to do it
gulfcoast_pilot (6:46:08 PM): so everyone was happy
eliza_jane9 (6:46:18 PM): you're pretty damn kewl
gulfcoast_pilot (6:46:51 PM): well thanks. very cool yourself
eliza_jane9 (6:48:02 PM): gonna be with your family for thanksgiving?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:48:19 PM): no, i'll be sitting reserve in cincinnati
eliza_jane9 (6:48:38 PM): i'll think about ya
gulfcoast_pilot (6:48:49 PM): while eating turkey and pumpkin pie?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:48:49 PM): haha
eliza_jane9 (6:48:57 PM): no pumpkin pie
eliza_jane9 (6:49:06 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:49:34 PM): my daddy always prays for service folks at every holiday
gulfcoast_pilot (6:49:40 PM): you don't like it because of the taste or because you know it comes from pumpkins?
eliza_jane9 (6:49:49 PM): i hate the taste
eliza_jane9 (6:49:53 PM): yukkkk
gulfcoast_pilot (6:49:55 PM): hehe, you're crazy
gulfcoast_pilot (6:49:56 PM): haha
gulfcoast_pilot (6:50:02 PM): i could live off of pumpkin pie
eliza_jane9 (6:50:13 PM): well, i'll make ya one
eliza_jane9 (6:50:19 PM): if you ever come around
gulfcoast_pilot (6:50:29 PM): fry a turkey.
eliza_jane9 (6:50:41 PM): oh yeah...that's awesome
gulfcoast_pilot (6:50:46 PM): i love me some fried turkey
eliza_jane9 (6:50:51 PM): me too
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:01 PM): i have relatives from indiana
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:15 PM): and when they visited my father's house last christmas
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:19 PM): dad fried a turkey
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:23 PM): and they thought we were nuts
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:27 PM): then they tried it.......
eliza_jane9 (6:51:46 PM): can't beat it for taste
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:53 PM): tender, moist
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:54 PM): love it
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:59 PM): mouth is watering thinking about it
eliza_jane9 (6:52:00 PM): umm....yep
gulfcoast_pilot (6:52:12 PM): what do you do in the lab?
eliza_jane9 (6:52:37 PM): run tests on blood and other icky body fluids
eliza_jane9 (6:53:06 PM): sometimes i draw the blood
gulfcoast_pilot (6:53:23 PM): i'd pass out
eliza_jane9 (6:53:29 PM): my main job is the transfusion service
gulfcoast_pilot (6:53:30 PM): i have to get smallpox vaccine next month
eliza_jane9 (6:53:38 PM): giving blood transfusions
gulfcoast_pilot (6:54:01 PM): dreading it
gulfcoast_pilot (6:54:01 PM): had my annual hiv test last month
eliza_jane9 (6:54:28 PM): didn't know they still did the smallpox vaccine
gulfcoast_pilot (6:54:43 PM): doing it for deploying military
gulfcoast_pilot (6:54:58 PM): suspected plots to use smallpox as a biological weapon
eliza_jane9 (6:55:10 PM): hmm...i've heard
gulfcoast_pilot (6:55:22 PM): i've had the anthrax series also
gulfcoast_pilot (6:55:30 PM): rigors of the job
eliza_jane9 (6:55:32 PM): good
gulfcoast_pilot (6:56:20 PM): you've traveled abroad much?
eliza_jane9 (6:56:46 PM): abroad?
eliza_jane9 (6:56:50 PM): no dear
gulfcoast_pilot (6:57:06 PM): been outside the us?
eliza_jane9 (6:57:15 PM): nope
eliza_jane9 (6:57:37 PM): not even to mexico
gulfcoast_pilot (6:57:39 PM): hehe
gulfcoast_pilot (6:57:48 PM): curious because you mentioned dope smoking in denmark
eliza_jane9 (6:57:49 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:57:55 PM): lol
eliza_jane9 (6:58:19 PM): let's just say i know my THC
gulfcoast_pilot (6:58:21 PM): is all throughout northern europe though
gulfcoast_pilot (6:58:39 PM): particularly the netherlands
eliza_jane9 (6:58:42 PM): and medicinally throughout the western US
gulfcoast_pilot (6:58:46 PM): amsterdam is rampant
eliza_jane9 (6:59:10 PM): it's a joke....for marijuana to be criminalized
gulfcoast_pilot (6:59:18 PM): i think so too
gulfcoast_pilot (6:59:27 PM): alcohol isn't but marijuana is
gulfcoast_pilot (6:59:32 PM): ridiculous
gulfcoast_pilot (6:59:38 PM): i wouldn't use it regardless
gulfcoast_pilot (7:00:04 PM): but it is ridiculous to criminalize it...just produces more crime
gulfcoast_pilot (7:00:14 PM): spawns more and more crime
eliza_jane9 (7:00:20 PM): yep
eliza_jane9 (7:00:29 PM): big ole black market
gulfcoast_pilot (7:01:37 PM): glad the election is over with?
gulfcoast_pilot (7:01:42 PM): was sick of the rhetoric
eliza_jane9 (7:01:47 PM): me too
eliza_jane9 (7:02:07 PM): it was vicious
gulfcoast_pilot (7:02:15 PM): i thought so
gulfcoast_pilot (7:02:32 PM): neither is in touch with the common man. both are wildly rich
gulfcoast_pilot (7:02:41 PM): billionaire and multi-millionaire
eliza_jane9 (7:03:00 PM): yep...but you have to be to get there
eliza_jane9 (7:03:03 PM): ya know?
gulfcoast_pilot (7:03:12 PM): sure
eliza_jane9 (7:03:23 PM): so why would anybody want to do it?
gulfcoast_pilot (7:03:26 PM): the days of 'anybody can grow up to be president' are overwith
gulfcoast_pilot (7:03:33 PM): because they can get wealthier
eliza_jane9 (7:03:38 PM): power trippers
gulfcoast_pilot (7:04:01 PM): yeah, as they say
gulfcoast_pilot (7:04:08 PM): absolute power corrupts absolutely
eliza_jane9 (7:04:44 PM): well, let's just go to denmark and smoke a blunt
eliza_jane9 (7:04:54 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (7:04:56 PM): i'd go back tomorrow if i could
gulfcoast_pilot (7:05:26 PM): i had such a good time
gulfcoast_pilot (7:05:31 PM): and the folks we met were so sincere
gulfcoast_pilot (7:05:34 PM): loved americans
eliza_jane9 (7:05:44 PM): umm
eliza_jane9 (7:05:51 PM): beats the hell out of iraq
gulfcoast_pilot (7:05:58 PM): true
gulfcoast_pilot (7:06:01 PM): but i have my time coming
eliza_jane9 (7:06:09 PM): how long?
gulfcoast_pilot (7:07:04 PM): well, the first one will be 3 months...then i'm expecting to go there for at least six months later in 2005
eliza_jane9 (7:07:37 PM): not scared i guess
gulfcoast_pilot (7:07:53 PM): na, i've flown combat sorties before
eliza_jane9 (7:08:19 PM): my hat's off to ya
gulfcoast_pilot (7:08:25 PM): thanks
gulfcoast_pilot (7:08:28 PM): is my pleasure to do it
eliza_jane9 (7:08:41 PM): sounds like you love it
gulfcoast_pilot (7:09:06 PM): i do
eliza_jane9 (7:09:17 PM): you're a success then
eliza_jane9 (7:09:24 PM): living the life you love
gulfcoast_pilot (7:09:57 PM): sure. but, it is a life to be enjoyed while young. will end up being a fruitless life if i don't make time for a relationship at some point.
eliza_jane9 (7:10:18 PM): that's true also
eliza_jane9 (7:10:26 PM): and relationships take time
eliza_jane9 (7:10:37 PM): and attention
gulfcoast_pilot (7:10:53 PM): yeah, it will mean a sacrafice at some point in my career
gulfcoast_pilot (7:10:58 PM): and i'm not willing to do that just yet
eliza_jane9 (7:11:33 PM): i used to be very career oriented
gulfcoast_pilot (7:12:04 PM): no longer?
eliza_jane9 (7:12:09 PM): nah
eliza_jane9 (7:12:21 PM): careers don't keep you warm at night
gulfcoast_pilot (7:12:30 PM): true
eliza_jane9 (7:12:51 PM): i count on my dog for that
eliza_jane9 (7:12:59 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (7:13:10 PM): know what you mean
gulfcoast_pilot (7:13:28 PM): my dog didn't forget about me during those two years with a separate bedroom
eliza_jane9 (7:13:38 PM): exactly
eliza_jane9 (7:14:31 PM): i got a divorce because i knew that there was something better than what i had lived with
gulfcoast_pilot (7:14:40 PM): i knew divorce would suck
gulfcoast_pilot (7:14:48 PM): but i also knew that my life was unhappy
eliza_jane9 (7:14:55 PM): ditto
gulfcoast_pilot (7:14:59 PM): and to find my happiness, i was going to have to go through the divorce
eliza_jane9 (7:15:17 PM): sounds like you've found it
gulfcoast_pilot (7:15:26 PM): not past it just yet
gulfcoast_pilot (7:15:29 PM): but improving
eliza_jane9 (7:17:38 PM): well, maybe someday we'll both find happiness
gulfcoast_pilot (7:17:53 PM): i'm confident
eliza_jane9 (7:18:16 PM): i believe ya then
gulfcoast_pilot (7:18:38 PM): we're still amicable. we spoke just thursday
gulfcoast_pilot (7:19:13 PM): she lives in orlando
eliza_jane9 (7:19:17 PM): i haven't talked to my ex in months
gulfcoast_pilot (7:19:20 PM): is where we lived when we divorced
gulfcoast_pilot (7:21:10 PM): well Eliza Jane, I best be going
gulfcoast_pilot (7:21:14 PM): was a pleasure chatting
gulfcoast_pilot (7:21:28 PM): with your permission, i'd like to add you to my friend list
eliza_jane9 (7:21:42 PM): sure
eliza_jane9 (7:21:49 PM): nice to meet you as well
gulfcoast_pilot (7:21:58 PM): was my pleasure
gulfcoast_pilot (7:22:24 PM): g'night
gulfcoast_pilot (7:22:27 PM): i hope to chat again soon
eliza_jane9 (7:22:43 PM):
eliza_jane9 (7:22:50 PM): g'night
gulfcoast_pilot (6:05:57 PM): hello. how are ya?
eliza_jane9 (6:06:05 PM): i'm fine
eliza_jane9 (6:06:10 PM): yourself?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:06:19 PM): doing ok. just relaxing
eliza_jane9 (6:06:24 PM): me too
eliza_jane9 (6:06:30 PM): i'm on vacation for a week
gulfcoast_pilot (6:06:43 PM): internet chat is a guilty pleasure of mine. haha. i just read what others type.
eliza_jane9 (6:06:53 PM): yeah well
eliza_jane9 (6:07:01 PM): we all got our guilty pleasures
gulfcoast_pilot (6:08:10 PM): true
gulfcoast_pilot (6:08:11 PM): i should probably be out enjoying the gorgeous weather, but oh well.
gulfcoast_pilot (6:08:11 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:08:24 PM): kinda dark where i am
eliza_jane9 (6:08:31 PM): i sure enjoyed it today!
gulfcoast_pilot (6:08:49 PM): yeah, dark here
eliza_jane9 (6:08:57 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (6:08:57 PM): but still nice outside
eliza_jane9 (6:09:01 PM): oh yeah
eliza_jane9 (6:09:04 PM): perfect weather
eliza_jane9 (6:09:12 PM): where do ya live?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:09:21 PM): biloxi, ms and cincinnati, oh
eliza_jane9 (6:09:27 PM): lord boy
eliza_jane9 (6:09:35 PM): that's a schizo combination
gulfcoast_pilot (6:09:43 PM): well, i hate the north
gulfcoast_pilot (6:09:45 PM): but...work
eliza_jane9 (6:10:04 PM): you fly up north?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:10:27 PM): yeah, fly about everywhere
gulfcoast_pilot (6:10:32 PM): but based with my airline in cincinnati
gulfcoast_pilot (6:11:10 PM): and my reserve squadron is in mississippi
eliza_jane9 (6:11:11 PM): hmm....sup with the gulfcoast thang?
eliza_jane9 (6:11:14 PM): ahhh...
gulfcoast_pilot (6:11:26 PM): i live in both places
eliza_jane9 (6:11:30 PM): i'm a beach freak....that caught my attention
gulfcoast_pilot (6:11:30 PM): from dover, tn though
gulfcoast_pilot (6:11:45 PM): land between the lakes area
eliza_jane9 (6:11:51 PM): hmm
gulfcoast_pilot (6:11:53 PM): well, we have beaches, but no surf down here
gulfcoast_pilot (6:12:03 PM): i'm in biloxi now
eliza_jane9 (6:12:19 PM): doing the military thang?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:12:34 PM): yeah. but even if i'm not, if i have time off, i prefer it down here
gulfcoast_pilot (6:12:36 PM): i'm southern
gulfcoast_pilot (6:12:40 PM): not a fan of the north at all
gulfcoast_pilot (6:12:45 PM): so, i fit in better here than there
eliza_jane9 (6:12:46 PM): i hear ya
eliza_jane9 (6:12:56 PM): i'm in west tennessee
gulfcoast_pilot (6:13:01 PM): folks still have some common courtesy here
eliza_jane9 (6:13:38 PM): yep...they'll wave at ya and say thanks and open the door
gulfcoast_pilot (6:14:01 PM): even an occaisional smile or "hello"
gulfcoast_pilot (6:14:10 PM): for no reason
gulfcoast_pilot (6:14:13 PM): but never up north
gulfcoast_pilot (6:14:29 PM): they'd look at ya like you had three heads if you did that in new york city
eliza_jane9 (6:14:36 PM): hmm
eliza_jane9 (6:14:59 PM): good reason not to live there
eliza_jane9 (6:15:04 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (6:15:22 PM): i love to visit though
gulfcoast_pilot (6:15:27 PM): new york city that is
gulfcoast_pilot (6:15:30 PM): great nightlife
eliza_jane9 (6:15:43 PM): i'm sure
eliza_jane9 (6:15:53 PM): never been there
eliza_jane9 (6:16:09 PM): went to texas once
eliza_jane9 (6:16:15 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (6:16:26 PM): i've been everywhere but australia and antarctica
eliza_jane9 (6:16:50 PM): fringe benefit of the job huh?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:17:02 PM): yeah, no time for much else though
eliza_jane9 (6:17:15 PM): hmm..i imagine
eliza_jane9 (6:17:31 PM): my brother's a pilot...small plane and helicopter
gulfcoast_pilot (6:17:52 PM): i've never flown a helicopter
gulfcoast_pilot (6:17:56 PM): looks more challenging
eliza_jane9 (6:18:12 PM): lol...he landed the motha in the vacant lot next to my house one time
gulfcoast_pilot (6:18:25 PM): exciting
gulfcoast_pilot (6:18:29 PM): hehe
eliza_jane9 (6:18:31 PM): took me to my parents house
gulfcoast_pilot (6:18:34 PM): were you expecting it?
eliza_jane9 (6:18:40 PM): nah
eliza_jane9 (6:19:04 PM): scared the crap outta me though
eliza_jane9 (6:19:11 PM): the thing didn't have any doors
gulfcoast_pilot (6:19:22 PM): just strap in
gulfcoast_pilot (6:19:34 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:20:03 PM): um hmm
eliza_jane9 (6:20:13 PM): doors wouldn't make much difference anyway
gulfcoast_pilot (6:20:20 PM): probably not
eliza_jane9 (6:20:23 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:20:48 PM): you lookin' at any iraq time?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:21:00 PM): funny you mention it...in 6 weeks i leave
eliza_jane9 (6:21:10 PM): oh shit
gulfcoast_pilot (6:21:21 PM): i volunteered
eliza_jane9 (6:21:33 PM): tell me why
gulfcoast_pilot (6:21:43 PM): i'm single
gulfcoast_pilot (6:21:45 PM): no kids
gulfcoast_pilot (6:21:53 PM): if i didn't go, someone else would have to
gulfcoast_pilot (6:22:05 PM): and i love adventure
gulfcoast_pilot (6:22:07 PM): soooooooo
eliza_jane9 (6:22:28 PM): good luck dude
gulfcoast_pilot (6:22:49 PM): haha, i'm sure i'll be fine
gulfcoast_pilot (6:22:54 PM): thanks
eliza_jane9 (6:23:47 PM): so you gotta woman at every port?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:24:03 PM): na, nothing like that
gulfcoast_pilot (6:25:11 PM): i wish i was that kind of guy sometimes...but i'm pretty laid back. reserved. respectful.
eliza_jane9 (6:25:29 PM): that's the way to be
gulfcoast_pilot (6:25:45 PM): not out to crush anyone
gulfcoast_pilot (6:25:55 PM): and there is no respectful way to be a player
eliza_jane9 (6:26:04 PM): true
eliza_jane9 (6:26:14 PM): i've met a jillion of em
gulfcoast_pilot (6:26:39 PM): God cursed me with a conscience.....if i didn't have one, i'd be a player
gulfcoast_pilot (6:26:40 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:26:50 PM): ayep...same here
eliza_jane9 (6:26:59 PM): i got this weakness for honesty and truth
eliza_jane9 (6:27:19 PM): gets me in BIG trouble sometimes
gulfcoast_pilot (6:29:07 PM): you're over there by reelfoot lake?
eliza_jane9 (6:29:17 PM): yep
eliza_jane9 (6:29:33 PM): and the mighty mississipi
gulfcoast_pilot (6:29:40 PM): i drive through jackson a bit. but have never been to dyersburg
eliza_jane9 (6:29:58 PM): it's about 40 minutes from jackson
eliza_jane9 (6:30:02 PM): lil bitty town
eliza_jane9 (6:30:41 PM): i work at the hospital here...in the lab
gulfcoast_pilot (6:30:43 PM): i'm from dover
gulfcoast_pilot (6:30:45 PM): heard of dover?
eliza_jane9 (6:30:49 PM): um hmm
gulfcoast_pilot (6:30:54 PM): tiny, tiny town
gulfcoast_pilot (6:30:59 PM): in land between the lakes
eliza_jane9 (6:31:06 PM): beautiful place
gulfcoast_pilot (6:31:12 PM): i think so
gulfcoast_pilot (6:31:18 PM): i'll retire to there someday
eliza_jane9 (6:31:20 PM): got family there?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:31:23 PM): yes
gulfcoast_pilot (6:31:34 PM): father, his wife, brother and his wife and kids
gulfcoast_pilot (6:31:36 PM): kid
gulfcoast_pilot (6:31:44 PM): he has only one, but trying for two
gulfcoast_pilot (6:31:45 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:32:00 PM): you ever been married?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:32:05 PM): also have family in clarksville
gulfcoast_pilot (6:32:08 PM): i was married for 8 years
gulfcoast_pilot (6:32:14 PM): divorced 3 years ago
eliza_jane9 (6:32:22 PM): me too
eliza_jane9 (6:32:43 PM): just now catchin' my breath from that
gulfcoast_pilot (6:32:45 PM): 13 sep, '01
gulfcoast_pilot (6:32:49 PM): was a terrible week for me
eliza_jane9 (6:33:05 PM): bad week huh?
eliza_jane9 (6:33:06 PM): lol
gulfcoast_pilot (6:33:15 PM): yup
eliza_jane9 (6:34:09 PM): well...i feel your pain
gulfcoast_pilot (6:34:20 PM): was tough
gulfcoast_pilot (6:34:22 PM): i filed
gulfcoast_pilot (6:34:28 PM): but only because i knew she wanted it
gulfcoast_pilot (6:34:33 PM): and i could no longer live that way
gulfcoast_pilot (6:34:40 PM): had separate bedrooms for two years
eliza_jane9 (6:34:48 PM): yeah me too
eliza_jane9 (6:34:52 PM): and mine was the couch
eliza_jane9 (6:35:19 PM): i was married for 20 years...it shoulda been over in 5
gulfcoast_pilot (6:35:29 PM): i eloped
gulfcoast_pilot (6:35:41 PM): i think she regretted it almost immediately afterwards
gulfcoast_pilot (6:35:46 PM): and let it drag on for so long
eliza_jane9 (6:35:55 PM): guilty!
gulfcoast_pilot (6:35:57 PM): her mother and father loved me
gulfcoast_pilot (6:36:08 PM): and i think she stayed married to me because of them
gulfcoast_pilot (6:36:20 PM): and when her father died, she changed overnight
eliza_jane9 (6:36:36 PM): that happens when the parents die
eliza_jane9 (6:36:45 PM): you look at life differently
gulfcoast_pilot (6:37:06 PM): i suppose
gulfcoast_pilot (6:37:11 PM): i still have both my parents
eliza_jane9 (6:37:18 PM): so do i
eliza_jane9 (6:37:47 PM): ever regret not having kids?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:37:55 PM): might still
gulfcoast_pilot (6:37:56 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (6:38:03 PM): i wanted kids
eliza_jane9 (6:38:04 PM): true
gulfcoast_pilot (6:38:04 PM): she didn't
eliza_jane9 (6:38:19 PM): i've got one daughter
eliza_jane9 (6:38:25 PM): she's 20
gulfcoast_pilot (6:38:36 PM): you're close?
eliza_jane9 (6:38:43 PM): very
eliza_jane9 (6:39:12 PM): she doesn't have a clue what to do with her life
gulfcoast_pilot (6:39:36 PM): she's 20!
gulfcoast_pilot (6:39:40 PM): time to have a plan
gulfcoast_pilot (6:39:41 PM): haha
eliza_jane9 (6:39:48 PM): yep...i agree
gulfcoast_pilot (6:40:04 PM): she still lives at home?!
eliza_jane9 (6:40:06 PM): and sometimes plans don't work...so ya just wing it
eliza_jane9 (6:40:14 PM): kinda sorta
eliza_jane9 (6:40:20 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (6:40:33 PM): i couldn't wait to move out when i graduated hs
gulfcoast_pilot (6:40:38 PM): paid for my own college
gulfcoast_pilot (6:41:02 PM): and never looked back
gulfcoast_pilot (6:41:02 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:41:35 PM): i divorced when she was a senior
gulfcoast_pilot (6:41:43 PM): very tough on her i'm sure
eliza_jane9 (6:41:52 PM): i think she felt obliged to look after me for awhile
gulfcoast_pilot (6:41:55 PM): my folks divorced when i was 20
eliza_jane9 (6:42:02 PM): um hmm.....very hard on her
eliza_jane9 (6:42:13 PM): but she knew it was best
gulfcoast_pilot (6:42:46 PM): i gave my wife our divorce papers on out eighth anniversary
gulfcoast_pilot (6:43:01 PM): i'm sure she'd say it was the best anniversary gift she'd ever received.
eliza_jane9 (6:43:25 PM): makes ya wonder about marriage...the whole legal thing
gulfcoast_pilot (6:43:40 PM): oh, i have lost faith in the institution
gulfcoast_pilot (6:43:48 PM): why get married? kills the romance
gulfcoast_pilot (6:43:53 PM): makes ya quit working at it
gulfcoast_pilot (6:44:00 PM): makes you settle into a grind/routine
gulfcoast_pilot (6:44:21 PM): if there is a chance of losing your significant other, you tend to work a little harder
gulfcoast_pilot (6:44:25 PM): and remember the little things
eliza_jane9 (6:44:49 PM): that's true
gulfcoast_pilot (6:45:03 PM): i lived in denmark all summer. most don't marry
gulfcoast_pilot (6:45:16 PM): they just live and have a family together
gulfcoast_pilot (6:45:20 PM): and stay monogomous
eliza_jane9 (6:45:23 PM): and smoke lotsa dope!
gulfcoast_pilot (6:45:30 PM): very, very true
eliza_jane9 (6:45:33 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (6:45:51 PM): the folks i hung out with respected that i didn't/couldn't
gulfcoast_pilot (6:45:59 PM): so they didn't put it in my face
gulfcoast_pilot (6:46:04 PM): and i respected their choice to do it
gulfcoast_pilot (6:46:08 PM): so everyone was happy
eliza_jane9 (6:46:18 PM): you're pretty damn kewl
gulfcoast_pilot (6:46:51 PM): well thanks. very cool yourself
eliza_jane9 (6:48:02 PM): gonna be with your family for thanksgiving?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:48:19 PM): no, i'll be sitting reserve in cincinnati
eliza_jane9 (6:48:38 PM): i'll think about ya
gulfcoast_pilot (6:48:49 PM): while eating turkey and pumpkin pie?
gulfcoast_pilot (6:48:49 PM): haha
eliza_jane9 (6:48:57 PM): no pumpkin pie
eliza_jane9 (6:49:06 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:49:34 PM): my daddy always prays for service folks at every holiday
gulfcoast_pilot (6:49:40 PM): you don't like it because of the taste or because you know it comes from pumpkins?
eliza_jane9 (6:49:49 PM): i hate the taste
eliza_jane9 (6:49:53 PM): yukkkk
gulfcoast_pilot (6:49:55 PM): hehe, you're crazy
gulfcoast_pilot (6:49:56 PM): haha
gulfcoast_pilot (6:50:02 PM): i could live off of pumpkin pie
eliza_jane9 (6:50:13 PM): well, i'll make ya one
eliza_jane9 (6:50:19 PM): if you ever come around
gulfcoast_pilot (6:50:29 PM): fry a turkey.
eliza_jane9 (6:50:41 PM): oh yeah...that's awesome
gulfcoast_pilot (6:50:46 PM): i love me some fried turkey
eliza_jane9 (6:50:51 PM): me too
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:01 PM): i have relatives from indiana
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:15 PM): and when they visited my father's house last christmas
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:19 PM): dad fried a turkey
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:23 PM): and they thought we were nuts
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:27 PM): then they tried it.......
eliza_jane9 (6:51:46 PM): can't beat it for taste
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:53 PM): tender, moist
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:54 PM): love it
gulfcoast_pilot (6:51:59 PM): mouth is watering thinking about it
eliza_jane9 (6:52:00 PM): umm....yep
gulfcoast_pilot (6:52:12 PM): what do you do in the lab?
eliza_jane9 (6:52:37 PM): run tests on blood and other icky body fluids
eliza_jane9 (6:53:06 PM): sometimes i draw the blood
gulfcoast_pilot (6:53:23 PM): i'd pass out
eliza_jane9 (6:53:29 PM): my main job is the transfusion service
gulfcoast_pilot (6:53:30 PM): i have to get smallpox vaccine next month
eliza_jane9 (6:53:38 PM): giving blood transfusions
gulfcoast_pilot (6:54:01 PM): dreading it
gulfcoast_pilot (6:54:01 PM): had my annual hiv test last month
eliza_jane9 (6:54:28 PM): didn't know they still did the smallpox vaccine
gulfcoast_pilot (6:54:43 PM): doing it for deploying military
gulfcoast_pilot (6:54:58 PM): suspected plots to use smallpox as a biological weapon
eliza_jane9 (6:55:10 PM): hmm...i've heard
gulfcoast_pilot (6:55:22 PM): i've had the anthrax series also
gulfcoast_pilot (6:55:30 PM): rigors of the job
eliza_jane9 (6:55:32 PM): good
gulfcoast_pilot (6:56:20 PM): you've traveled abroad much?
eliza_jane9 (6:56:46 PM): abroad?
eliza_jane9 (6:56:50 PM): no dear
gulfcoast_pilot (6:57:06 PM): been outside the us?
eliza_jane9 (6:57:15 PM): nope
eliza_jane9 (6:57:37 PM): not even to mexico
gulfcoast_pilot (6:57:39 PM): hehe
gulfcoast_pilot (6:57:48 PM): curious because you mentioned dope smoking in denmark
eliza_jane9 (6:57:49 PM):
eliza_jane9 (6:57:55 PM): lol
eliza_jane9 (6:58:19 PM): let's just say i know my THC
gulfcoast_pilot (6:58:21 PM): is all throughout northern europe though
gulfcoast_pilot (6:58:39 PM): particularly the netherlands
eliza_jane9 (6:58:42 PM): and medicinally throughout the western US
gulfcoast_pilot (6:58:46 PM): amsterdam is rampant
eliza_jane9 (6:59:10 PM): it's a joke....for marijuana to be criminalized
gulfcoast_pilot (6:59:18 PM): i think so too
gulfcoast_pilot (6:59:27 PM): alcohol isn't but marijuana is
gulfcoast_pilot (6:59:32 PM): ridiculous
gulfcoast_pilot (6:59:38 PM): i wouldn't use it regardless
gulfcoast_pilot (7:00:04 PM): but it is ridiculous to criminalize it...just produces more crime
gulfcoast_pilot (7:00:14 PM): spawns more and more crime
eliza_jane9 (7:00:20 PM): yep
eliza_jane9 (7:00:29 PM): big ole black market
gulfcoast_pilot (7:01:37 PM): glad the election is over with?
gulfcoast_pilot (7:01:42 PM): was sick of the rhetoric
eliza_jane9 (7:01:47 PM): me too
eliza_jane9 (7:02:07 PM): it was vicious
gulfcoast_pilot (7:02:15 PM): i thought so
gulfcoast_pilot (7:02:32 PM): neither is in touch with the common man. both are wildly rich
gulfcoast_pilot (7:02:41 PM): billionaire and multi-millionaire
eliza_jane9 (7:03:00 PM): yep...but you have to be to get there
eliza_jane9 (7:03:03 PM): ya know?
gulfcoast_pilot (7:03:12 PM): sure
eliza_jane9 (7:03:23 PM): so why would anybody want to do it?
gulfcoast_pilot (7:03:26 PM): the days of 'anybody can grow up to be president' are overwith
gulfcoast_pilot (7:03:33 PM): because they can get wealthier
eliza_jane9 (7:03:38 PM): power trippers
gulfcoast_pilot (7:04:01 PM): yeah, as they say
gulfcoast_pilot (7:04:08 PM): absolute power corrupts absolutely
eliza_jane9 (7:04:44 PM): well, let's just go to denmark and smoke a blunt
eliza_jane9 (7:04:54 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (7:04:56 PM): i'd go back tomorrow if i could
gulfcoast_pilot (7:05:26 PM): i had such a good time
gulfcoast_pilot (7:05:31 PM): and the folks we met were so sincere
gulfcoast_pilot (7:05:34 PM): loved americans
eliza_jane9 (7:05:44 PM): umm
eliza_jane9 (7:05:51 PM): beats the hell out of iraq
gulfcoast_pilot (7:05:58 PM): true
gulfcoast_pilot (7:06:01 PM): but i have my time coming
eliza_jane9 (7:06:09 PM): how long?
gulfcoast_pilot (7:07:04 PM): well, the first one will be 3 months...then i'm expecting to go there for at least six months later in 2005
eliza_jane9 (7:07:37 PM): not scared i guess
gulfcoast_pilot (7:07:53 PM): na, i've flown combat sorties before
eliza_jane9 (7:08:19 PM): my hat's off to ya
gulfcoast_pilot (7:08:25 PM): thanks
gulfcoast_pilot (7:08:28 PM): is my pleasure to do it
eliza_jane9 (7:08:41 PM): sounds like you love it
gulfcoast_pilot (7:09:06 PM): i do
eliza_jane9 (7:09:17 PM): you're a success then
eliza_jane9 (7:09:24 PM): living the life you love
gulfcoast_pilot (7:09:57 PM): sure. but, it is a life to be enjoyed while young. will end up being a fruitless life if i don't make time for a relationship at some point.
eliza_jane9 (7:10:18 PM): that's true also
eliza_jane9 (7:10:26 PM): and relationships take time
eliza_jane9 (7:10:37 PM): and attention
gulfcoast_pilot (7:10:53 PM): yeah, it will mean a sacrafice at some point in my career
gulfcoast_pilot (7:10:58 PM): and i'm not willing to do that just yet
eliza_jane9 (7:11:33 PM): i used to be very career oriented
gulfcoast_pilot (7:12:04 PM): no longer?
eliza_jane9 (7:12:09 PM): nah
eliza_jane9 (7:12:21 PM): careers don't keep you warm at night
gulfcoast_pilot (7:12:30 PM): true
eliza_jane9 (7:12:51 PM): i count on my dog for that
eliza_jane9 (7:12:59 PM):
gulfcoast_pilot (7:13:10 PM): know what you mean
gulfcoast_pilot (7:13:28 PM): my dog didn't forget about me during those two years with a separate bedroom
eliza_jane9 (7:13:38 PM): exactly
eliza_jane9 (7:14:31 PM): i got a divorce because i knew that there was something better than what i had lived with
gulfcoast_pilot (7:14:40 PM): i knew divorce would suck
gulfcoast_pilot (7:14:48 PM): but i also knew that my life was unhappy
eliza_jane9 (7:14:55 PM): ditto
gulfcoast_pilot (7:14:59 PM): and to find my happiness, i was going to have to go through the divorce
eliza_jane9 (7:15:17 PM): sounds like you've found it
gulfcoast_pilot (7:15:26 PM): not past it just yet
gulfcoast_pilot (7:15:29 PM): but improving
eliza_jane9 (7:17:38 PM): well, maybe someday we'll both find happiness
gulfcoast_pilot (7:17:53 PM): i'm confident
eliza_jane9 (7:18:16 PM): i believe ya then
gulfcoast_pilot (7:18:38 PM): we're still amicable. we spoke just thursday
gulfcoast_pilot (7:19:13 PM): she lives in orlando
eliza_jane9 (7:19:17 PM): i haven't talked to my ex in months
gulfcoast_pilot (7:19:20 PM): is where we lived when we divorced
gulfcoast_pilot (7:21:10 PM): well Eliza Jane, I best be going
gulfcoast_pilot (7:21:14 PM): was a pleasure chatting
gulfcoast_pilot (7:21:28 PM): with your permission, i'd like to add you to my friend list
eliza_jane9 (7:21:42 PM): sure
eliza_jane9 (7:21:49 PM): nice to meet you as well
gulfcoast_pilot (7:21:58 PM): was my pleasure
gulfcoast_pilot (7:22:24 PM): g'night
gulfcoast_pilot (7:22:27 PM): i hope to chat again soon
eliza_jane9 (7:22:43 PM):
eliza_jane9 (7:22:50 PM): g'night
If only Nate weren’t gay! Liza chuckled to herself as she watched him magically re-design another room while looking extremely hot on TV. She was cooking dinner for the first time in eons just because she finally knew what she wanted…..a chicken and broccoli dish with a lemon cream sauce…umm UMMM.
Two days of November rain had given way to the slightest hint of a sunset. For once, she and Dr. Bill were equally appalled at “some people’s kids” and the way they can manipulate parents. The spoiled brat du jour was a college student who cried to Daddy that “all her friends” were going to Florence that weekend and she needed credit card privileges. OMG. Afternoon TV had given Liza a whole new look at how other people live and breathe the fairytale life and run their addictions into the ground.
Liza knew that she was an addiction for Mike. His life was so miserably entrenched in duty and obligation and micromanagement that she served as a welcome escape from all that obligatory “good boy” stuff. Enough already. In the words of The Eagles…..”Get OVER it!”
Music had always been Liza’s salvation. Back in the day…..it was all about an eclectic mix of rock and roll plus some blues and country plus sweet singin’ guys like James Taylor and Elton John. The housecleaning chores were best accomplished with Aretha or Dixie Chicks or Linda Ronstadt on loud and strong. Liza’s LP collection was one that anyone with a turntable would covet. Unfortunately, she didn’t have a functional turntable anymore!
Rvrguy had sent her some CD’s of JT back when they were chatting and she wore them out for awhile. Even now, three years later….”The Water is Wide” could bring her to tears from the first notes.
The water is wide
I can cross over….
And both shall row, my love and I.
Two days of November rain had given way to the slightest hint of a sunset. For once, she and Dr. Bill were equally appalled at “some people’s kids” and the way they can manipulate parents. The spoiled brat du jour was a college student who cried to Daddy that “all her friends” were going to Florence that weekend and she needed credit card privileges. OMG. Afternoon TV had given Liza a whole new look at how other people live and breathe the fairytale life and run their addictions into the ground.
Liza knew that she was an addiction for Mike. His life was so miserably entrenched in duty and obligation and micromanagement that she served as a welcome escape from all that obligatory “good boy” stuff. Enough already. In the words of The Eagles…..”Get OVER it!”
Music had always been Liza’s salvation. Back in the day…..it was all about an eclectic mix of rock and roll plus some blues and country plus sweet singin’ guys like James Taylor and Elton John. The housecleaning chores were best accomplished with Aretha or Dixie Chicks or Linda Ronstadt on loud and strong. Liza’s LP collection was one that anyone with a turntable would covet. Unfortunately, she didn’t have a functional turntable anymore!
Rvrguy had sent her some CD’s of JT back when they were chatting and she wore them out for awhile. Even now, three years later….”The Water is Wide” could bring her to tears from the first notes.
The water is wide
I can cross over….
And both shall row, my love and I.
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